Friday Funnies – The H&W Gang Talk About Summer Camp

H&W Covers

I’ve decided to revamp the Friday Funnies and re-post the guest posts I’ve written for blog tours and such. I may sneak in a few new ones here and there. Since some of the blogs I originally wrote these for have disappeared I thought it might be a good idea to save and re-share the posts here.

I’m sure if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably familiar with my characters by now, so I’ll save you the chore of reading through my intros. For anyone who stumbles across this who is not familiar, basic info on the characters can be found here, a funnier idea of who they are (in GIFs) can be found here, and a book list/buy links can be found here. All character interviews will be tagged that way so they’re easy to find on the blog.

Now–on with the shenanigans! The H&W Investigations team are going to discuss their memories of summer camp. Take it away, guys!

______________

Shiarra:  I remember the first time I went to summer camp. I was covered in ticks by the end of the first day.

Sara:  Eww, yuck! I never went to that kind of summer camp. It was always ballet or painting or deportment classes for me.

Arnold:  Your parents didn’t know anything about you, did they?

Sara: Not really. They were both business professionals and didn’t have a lot of time for me or my sister.

Chaz: My dad tried to get me into one of those sports camps once, but when I started showing signs of turning Were, he had to pull me out.

Royce:  We never had such a thing when I was a teen. Most of my summers were spent tending crops.

Shiarra: You? A farmer?

Royce:  Is it that hard to believe?

Arnold:  Never took you for the type to get your hands dirty. Not that way, anyway.

Chaz:  He probably wouldn’t now.  These days, I bet you couldn’t get him to touch a potted plant with those manicured hands of his.

Royce:  At least I wouldn’t piss on the ornamental tree in the corner to mark my territory.

Chaz:  HEY—

Shiarra: Boys, boys, boys!  Enough!

Sara:  We’re supposed to be talking summer camp, not snarking at each other.

Arnold:  Vampires and werewolves. Cats and dogs. Need I say more?

Chaz: Nobody asked your opinion, sparky.

Arnold: Hey, you don’t like being called a dog, I don’t like being called a spark. We clear?

Chaz:  Yeah, yeah.

Shiarra:  Now. Summer camp. Ahem.

Sara:  I always wanted to tell ghost stories around a fire. Never got to do that as a kid.

Arnold: It’s overrated. Those stories never scared me.

Shiarra:  S’mores are pretty good, though.

Royce:  S’mores?

Shiarra:  I keep forgetting you never would have tried modern food. That’s a real tragedy. S’mores are these godly little finger foods you make by the campfire. Toasted graham crackers, chocolate, and marshmallows.

Sara: Oh, man. Now I’m craving some.

Royce: I can eat small amounts of food, but I don’t know that they taste the same to me as they do to you. Nor do I get any nutrition out of it.

Arnold: My, I feel so educated and enriched. My day is complete.

Royce: I don’t appreciate your sarcasm, mage.

Sara: Well, I didn’t know, so I don’t mind. It’s not like vampires talk about this kind of stuff every day.

Shiarra: It’s sorta gross if you think about it. I mean . . . where does it go?

Sara:  Um.

Chaz: What?

Royce:  I’m not quite sure I understand what you’re asking.

Arnold:  Do we really want to understand what she’s asking?

Shiarra:  Oh, shush. Royce, you said you don’t get any nutrition out of it, right? I mean, vampires drink blood. Duh. So . . . uh . . . what does your body do with it?

Royce:  That’s not exactly a conversation for polite company, Ms. Waynest.

Arnold: Okay. Campfire story material right there.

Chaz: Yeah, I’m with you on that. Ugh.

Sara: Nightmare material. I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep tonight.

Shiarra:  Sorry. Sometimes my mind wanders to weird places. It’s like that thing with hotdogs and hotdog buns.

Chaz:  You lost me.

Arnold: Me too.

Shiarra:  Oh, come on, you know that old mystery about why hotdogs come in packs of ten and buns come in packs of eight? Didn’t you guys ever wonder that when you were sitting around the fire at summer camp?

Sara:  Oh, yeah. Why is that?

Arnold:  Beats me.

Chaz:  I never noticed.

Royce:  You people think about the strangest things.

Chaz:  Not “you people”.  Maybe they do.

Sara:  I don’t mind being considered a “you people”. I’d rather think about weird stuff than never question anything about my environment.

Shiarra:  The down side to that is a complete inability to turn off the questions that should probably never be asked.

Sara:  Amen to that.

Chaz: How come you never asked me anything about what it’s like being a werewolf, then?

Shiarra:  Probably because I never had the chance to after I found out. With all the weird crap going on and you lying to me all the time, I didn’t exactly trust you to tell me anything about yourself or your pack.

Arnold:  Burn.

Chaz:  Stay out of this!

Arnold:  Hey, just sayin’.

Royce: Werewolves are a shifty lot. Better not to put your trust into them.

Sara:  Ha! I see what you did there.

Shiarra:  Hehe. That was pretty clever.

Chaz:  Oh, yeah. Laugh at the vampire’s jokes. Just wait. He’ll turn on you. Walking corpses always do.

______________

Err, right. As you can see, these guys probably wouldn’t do so great sharing a bunch of s’mores around a campfire together. Did you ever go to summer camp and share  stories around a campfire? What were your favorite scary stories as a kid?

If you’ve never heard of my books and want more info, head to the main page of my website for news on the latest deals, the reading order, etc. Or you can support more of this silliness by buying ‘em now!

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Guest Author Marian Perera — Sea Monsters, And Why We Love Them

I have a special guest here on the blog today. Marian Perera is here today to tell us about sea monsters. Considering how I feel about Sharknado, you guys know by now this is a subject near and dear to my heart. Give her a warm welcome in the comments, eh?

Sea Monsters, And Why We Love Them

by: Marian Perera

Website / Twitter / Facebook

Jaws. Meg. Below. Hunger. Beast. Loch. Deeper.

There are even more novels about sea monsters if you don’t confine yourself to one-word titles.

For me, it began with Jaws, and ever since then, I’ve loved to vicariously explore the hidden depths of the ocean—and evade whatever hunts in them. There’s scope for near-infinite variety here, in genres ranging from historical fiction to horror to speculative fiction and even paranormal romance (wereshark meets werewhale).

Sea monsters are part of the mystery of the ocean. There’s so much still unknown about that part of our world, and the ocean could conceal almost anything. A story about sea monsters not only draws on an atavistic fear of the vast unknown, it taps into myths and legends about Scylla or the Midgard Serpent. Not to mention Dread Cthulhu, who sleeps in an underwater city which he will hopefully never leave.

Many readers like to be scared—and the sea has so many ways to do that.

For writers, there’s so much potential beneath the surface, waiting to be tapped. Great white sharks have been the human-devouring villains of a lot of books and films, but I started burning out on them around the point where I read a novel which, much like the 1999 film Deep Blue Sea, multiplied the number of sharks and genetically engineered them to be intelligent. Even after the IQ boost, though, all they wanted to do was eat people.

In real life, such sharks prefer nice plump seals to humans, just as you might rather eat a chicken breast than a chicken head. I wondered if I could write such a shark realistically and still have it be magnificent and dangerous. That gave me the idea of a seafaring nation which needed to protect its ships in pirate-ruled waters. With their exquisitely honed senses, sharks make the perfect scouts, so children with psychic abilities are bonded to the juvenile sharks, and can control them—to a certain extent. They may be monsters, but they’re our monsters.

And this way, I could have undersea fights and boats being smashed without needing to off the sharks at the end, because killing magnificent apex predators makes me sad. No matter what those predators did.

After that I became curious about what other sea monsters I could exploit—er, write about. My first sharkpunk novel, The Deepest Ocean, also featured parasitic brain coral, and there’s a kraken in the sequel, The Farthest Shore. Humboldt squid appeared in Ryan Lockwood’s debut Below – these squid aren’t very large, certainly nowhere near kraken level, but they travel in a school. So basically, they’re ocean piranhas.

Then there are anglerfish. Not only did a specimen of this provide a shock in Finding Nemo, but their mating habits are fascinating. The tiny males search out the much larger females, bite down and fuse—literally. The male becomes little more than a nubbin attached to his partner of choice, who provides him with food and gets sperm in return.

Hey, if it works for them, who am I to criticize?

Poisonous predatory starfish like the crown-of-thorns can be scaled up for size. And why stop with the species living today? If you’re writing speculative fiction or just reality-bending a little, there were marine dinosaurs like Thalassomedon, which could be 40 feet long – with a neck about half its length. Even longer at 50 feet, Hainosaurus was an apex predator in the Late Cretaceous. Imagine giant marine crocodiles with teeth that could crack mollusk shells.

I’d love to hear more from readers on this topic. What’s your favorite sea monster?

Bio: Marian Perera was born in Sri Lanka, grew up in the United Arab Emirates, studied in the United States, and lives in Canada. For now. Her sharkpunk romances The Deepest Ocean and The Farthest Shore were released by Samhain Publishing, and a third novel is in the works. You can learn more about her and her books at her website, her blog and on Twitter (@MDPerera).

The Farthest Shore

Captain Alyster Juell is relishing the taste of his first command for the fleet of Denalay. The steamship Checkmate doesn’t carry weaponry, but that doesn’t matter. His mission is to win an ocean-crossing race—and its hefty prize.
As the voyage gets underway, Alyster hits his first snag—there’s a stowaway on board, a reporter who poked around for information about his ship the day before. And it’s too late to turn back.
Miri Tayes didn’t intend to stow away. She was forced to run for her life when a colleague discovered her secret: She can pass for normal but she’s a half-salt—daughter of a Denalait mother and a pirate father.
Despite her lack of seaworthy skills, Miri works hard to earn her keep, and Alyster, taken with her quick wit and steely nerve, falls for her. But as the race intensifies and the pirates use a kraken to hunt down Checkmate for its new technology, the truth could be the most elusive—and dangerous—prize of all.

Catch up on the whole series!

1. Before the Storm
2. The Deepest Ocean
3. The Farthest Shore

 

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Friday Funnies – The H&W Gang Talk About Using Magic

H&W Covers

I’ve decided to revamp the Friday Funnies and re-post the guest posts I’ve written for blog tours and such. I may sneak in a few new ones here and there. Since some of the blogs I originally wrote these for have disappeared I thought it might be a good idea to save and re-share the posts here.

I’m sure if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably familiar with my characters by now, so I’ll save you the chore of reading through my intros. For anyone who stumbles across this who is not familiar, basic info on the characters can be found here, a funnier idea of who they are (in GIFs) can be found here, and a book list/buy links can be found here. All character interviews will be tagged that way so they’re easy to find on the blog.

Now–on with the shenanigans! Shiarra’s friend Arnold is going to tell you a little bit about how he uses magic.  Over to you, gang!

______________

Arnold:  Woo hoo!  You bitches know this one is all about me.

Sara:  Honey, that’s not very nice.

Chaz:  Eh, the David Blaine wannabe just wants his fifteen minutes.

Arnold:  Hey!

Shiarra:  This could either be really interesting or really boring.

Royce:  I don’t find it very interesting, personally.  Magi are common, generally useless creatures.

Arnold:  Same to you, buddy.

Chaz:  The leech has a point.  Your kind is the most common supernatural in our world.  That isn’t very out of the ordinary.

Arnold:  Oh, please!   I can summon beings from another world.  I’d like to see the furball or the walking corpse do that.

Sara:  It’s okay, love. I think you’re special!

Chaz:  Get a room, you two.

Shiarra: Babe?  Stop teasing my friends.  We’re supposed to be on the same side.

Chaz:  Aw . . .

Royce:  Why don’t we just let the mage get this over with? I’ve got an appointment to keep.

Shiarra:  Oh, well excuse us for taking time out of your busy schedule.

Royce: I don’t much care for your tone, Ms. Waynest.

Sara:  Hey, you behave yourself.  Both of you.

Arnold:  As I was saying . . .

Chaz:  . . . I’m gonna go watch the game . . .

Shiarra:  Shush!

Chaz:  Sorry.

Arnold:  Ahem!  So.  I can make things appear and disappear at will—

Royce:  Like any common stage magician.  My, how exciting.

Arnold: Hey!  Whose time in the spotlight is this?

Royce:  Yes, yes, go on.  Move it along, will you?

Arnold:  Yeesh.  I’m not great at conjuration.  My specialties are defensive runes and glyphs.  Some magi can snap their fingers and hurl a fireball—but that sort of thing takes me hours of prep time in advance to store the spell in a wand or some other focus.

Shiarra:  Holy shit, you can cast fireballs?!

Chaz:  DUDE.  We need to go find something to blow up!

Arnold:  . . . did you not hear what I just said?

Royce:  Of course they didn’t.  They have the attention span of a gnat.

Shiarra:  Hey!

Chaz:  Come say that to my face, buddy.

Royce:  I’m not about to risk wrinkling my suit.  I have an appointment with the Times I need to keep.  Is this excuse for an interview over yet?

Sara:  You are such a freaking killjoy, you know that?

Royce:  Ms. Halloway, words cannot express how thrilled I would be to bring this travesty to a close.

Sara:  Arnold hasn’t even said how he casts his spells yet!

Shiarra: You know, I hate to say it, but I’m with the vamp on this.  I vote we go watch Arnold explode stuff!

Chaz:  Seconded!

Arnold:  Well, I did make a ring that stores kinetic energy after I read that Jim Butcher book . . .

Shiarra:  Let’s go!

Royce:  Praise the Gods, you mean it’s over?

Sara:  *grumble*

______________

Tell me in the comments your favorite mage or wizard from classic fairy tales or urban fantasy novels!

If you’ve never heard of my books and want more info, head to the main page of my website for news on the latest deals, the reading order, etc. Or you can support more of this silliness by buying ‘em now!

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2014 Charlotte, NC Authors After Dark [AAD] Convention Recap & Giveaway!

As always, Authors After Dark was a fabulous, fun-filled convention that I’m missing already! If you don’t want to sort through all my pics and ramblings about it, you can skip down to the bottom of the post for the giveaway.

The Road Trip

Since I was driving all by my lonesome, I didn’t take any pictures of the things I saw on my way from Tampa to Charlotte. I one-shotted the trip in a single day. It took me a little over 9 hours, even with my GPS derping on me and sending me about 50 miles off course to somewhere north-easterly of where I needed to be.

Why did I drive, you ask? If you’ve been wondering why I’ve been so quiet on Twitter and Facebook the last few weeks, I’ve been on the road and I’m currently in New York for some family time. I’ll be around social media sporadically until I head home in September (and if you’re a Floridian and want to see me, come to my next signing–the Angels & Sinners Tampa Mashup on September 13, 2014 at the Westshore Tampa Double Tree Hotel–because after this I’m taking a break from the con circuit until Coastal Magic in Daytona in February, 2015).

I do want to thank C.J. Ellisson for being a fabulous host and an all around wonderful person for giving me a place to crash on my way up to New York. Thank you, C.J.! Can’t wait to see you (and play another round of Munchkin) again!

The Convention

Once again, I was thrilled to be an Authors After Dark featured author!

AAD-Featured-Author-Button

I sat on two panels this year (Vamps and Odd Paranormals) and had a fantastic signing. I’m still amused how many people were sold on the Werewives anthology based on my description of the bitchy werewives in one of the panels.

Odd Paranormal Panel at AAD Charlotte 2014
Odd Paranormal Panel at AAD Charlotte 2014
Odd Paranormal Panel at AAD Charlotte 2014
Odd Paranormal Panel at AAD Charlotte 2014

It was nice to sit in the audience of a few panels, too. Some of the panels Holly and I checked out included ones on Shifters, Urban Fantasy, and Kick-Ass Heroines. We had a total blast!

Here’s an idea of some of the fun times that were had:

AAD 2014 Charlotte - Even The Tables Look Like They're Ready For Fun
AAD 2014 Charlotte – Even The Tables Look Like They’re Ready For Fun
AAD 2014 Charlotte - The Panel Where Allison Pang Explained How She Got The Idea for Her Miniature Unicorn to Leave Behind Glitter In Her Heroine's Underwear Drawer
AAD 2014 Charlotte – The Panel Where Allison Pang Explained How She Got The Idea for Her Miniature Unicorn to Leave Behind Glitter In Her Heroine’s Underwear Drawer
AAD 2014 Charlotte - The Shifter Panel
AAD 2014 Charlotte – The Shifter Panel
AAD 2014 Charlotte - Do The Dragon
AAD 2014 Charlotte – Do The Dragon
AAD 2014 Charlotte - Girl's Night Out - Some Of The Craziest Bachelorette Party Games I've Ever Seen
AAD 2014 Charlotte – Girl’s Night Out – Some Of The Craziest Bachelorette Party Games I’ve Ever Seen
AAD 2014 Charlotte - Girl's Night Out - Some Of The Craziest Bachelorette Party Games I've Ever Seen
AAD 2014 Charlotte – Girl’s Night Out – Some Of The Craziest Bachelorette Party Games I’ve Ever Seen
AAD 2014 Charlotte - Girl's Night Out - Some Of The Craziest Bachelorette Party Games I've Ever Seen
AAD 2014 Charlotte – Girl’s Night Out – Some Of The Craziest Bachelorette Party Games I’ve Ever Seen
AAD 2014 Charlotte - Girl's Night Out - Some Of The Craziest Bachelorette Party Games I've Ever Seen
AAD 2014 Charlotte – Girl’s Night Out – Some Of The Craziest Bachelorette Party Games I’ve Ever Seen
AAD 2014 Charlotte - Sins & Virtues Ball - Dinner at Alexandra Ivy's Table
AAD 2014 Charlotte – Sins & Virtues Ball – Dinner at Alexandra Ivy’s Table
AAD 2014 Charlotte - Sins & Virtues Ball
AAD 2014 Charlotte – Sins & Virtues Ball
AAD 2014 Charlotte - Sins & Virtues Ball - The Cover Model Announced Something But I Was A Little Distracted And Don't Remember What...
AAD 2014 Charlotte – Sins & Virtues Ball – The Cover Model Announced Something But I Was A Little Distracted And Don’t Remember What…
AAD 2014 Charlotte - Sins & Virtues Ball - Paris Hilton--I Mean, Carrie Ann Ryan, Escaping The Paparazzi
AAD 2014 Charlotte – Sins & Virtues Ball – Paris Hilton–I Mean, Carrie Ann Ryan, Escaping The Paparazzi

And, of course, there were friends I was thrilled to see again:

Me, Kate Douglas, another author (agh, I'm sorry I don't know her name!), and Joey W. Hill
Me, Kate Douglas (one of the authors from one of the anthologies I was in, Nocturnal), another author (agh, I’m sorry I don’t know her name!), and Joey W. Hill
Me, Elise Hepner, Paige Prince (aka, Mama Kitty)
Me, Elise Hepner, Paige Prince (aka, Mama Kitty)
Jenny Trout, Me, Holly Rutan
Jenny Trout, Me, Holly Rutan
Alexandra Ivy at the Corner of Mark and Twain
Alexandra Ivy at the Corner of Mark and Twain
Jennifer Estep, Me
Jennifer Estep, Me
Cards Against Humanity - Paige, Leanna Renee Hieber and Jenny Looking Calm Before The Storm. Then...
Cards Against Humanity – Paige, Leanna Renee Hieber and Jenny Looking Calm Before The Storm. Then…
Cards Against Humanity - ATTACK OF THE VIGOROUS JAZZ HANDS
Cards Against Humanity – ATTACK OF THE VIGOROUS JAZZ HANDS
Cards Against Humanity - Bringing Us Laughter, Tears, and Vigorous Jazz Hands
Cards Against Humanity – Bringing Us Laughter, Tears, and Vigorous Jazz Hands
Cards Against Humanity - Bringing Us Laughter, Tears, and Vigorous Jazz Hands
Cards Against Humanity – Bringing Us Laughter, Tears, and Vigorous Jazz Hands

This barely scratches the surface of everything I saw and did while I was there. I’ll upload more pics to Facebook as soon as I have a few minutes. Check out my albums there later this week if you want to see more!

As for me being my authorly self, I gave out tons of fun things at the paranormal party and I can’t believe I ran out of the ribbons the readers were supposed to collect before it was over! If you haven’t seen them, they are black with silver lettering and say “Doesn’t Play Well With Others”–subtle, right? I even had some bumper stickers made up that said it and ran out of those long before the party was over. Same with the “I went to New York and all I got was this lousy contract” T-shirts.

Me at AAD Charlotte 2014 Paranormal Party
Me at AAD Charlotte 2014 Paranormal Party

The signing was great, and I really enjoyed chatting with Bronwyn Green (who sat on my left) and the assistant to the author who sat on my right (I’m kicking myself for not catching her name). I was kept busy almost the entire time, signing, meeting fans, and generally having a good time.

Me at AAD Charlotte 2014 Signing
Me at AAD Charlotte 2014 Signing

Also this was Holly’s very first signing. (For those of you who aren’t familiar, Holly Rutan is a good friend of mine who occasionally comes with me to conventions. She is also a librarian and now a brand new author! Show her some love! And check out her book, SILVER BOUND, because it’s awesome.)

Holly Rutan's First Signing!
Holly Rutan’s First Signing!

The Town and The Food

Uptown Charlotte feels like it’s trying too hard to be a cleaner Los Angeles or Manhattan or something. Parts of it are very pretty, but near the Westin (the hotel where the convention was held) it has more upscale office buildings and restaurants than the feel or attractions of a tourist town.

Charlotte, NC
Charlotte, NC
Charlotte, NC
Charlotte, NC
Come on, now, Charlotte. Why are you channeling something out of Clive Barker's imagination?
Come on, now, Charlotte. Why are you channeling something out of Clive Barker’s imagination?
Meet me at the corner of Mark and Twain!
Meet me at the corner of Mark and Twain!
Charlotte Museum of Modern Art
Charlotte Museum of Modern Art
Charlotte, NC
Charlotte, NC
I've got my eye on you, Charlotte.
I’ve got my eye on you, Charlotte.
Charlotte, NC
Charlotte, NC

It’s a nice town, but I don’t recommend it if you’re looking for a place with reasonable prices and lots of tourist-y things to do. Even the Starbucks closes at around 5PM on a weeknight and the bulk of the restaurants are of the fancypants and/or expensive varieties that might appeal more to foodies than tourists on a budget.

As for the food, Holly and I spent over $125 (1 shared appetizer, 2 entrees, 3 drinks, and 2 desserts) on our first meal at Mimosa Grill:

Mimosa Grill - Crawdad and Shrimp Hushpuppies
Mimosa Grill – Crawdad and Shrimp Hushpuppies
Mimosa Grill - My Dinner
Mimosa Grill – My Dinner
Mimosa Grill - Holly's Dinner
Mimosa Grill – Holly’s Dinner
Mimosa Grill - Holly's Dessert
Mimosa Grill – Holly’s Dessert
Mimosa Grill - My Dessert
Mimosa Grill – My Dessert

Red Ginger was an excellent sushi and hibachi restaurant to visit for lunch, but their service at dinner time was lacking. One of the people I was with for dinner has a severe allergy to certain foods and ordered something off the menu that had to be prepared in the kitchen. We didn’t discover until much later that our waitress never even turned in her order.

What we did have was good, and I can tell you it is very worth going there for hibachi for lunch (I can’t tell you how their sushi was as I don’t care for it), but I don’t recommend it (due to both price and service) for dinner.

Red Ginger - Fire Is Always Good
Red Ginger – Fire Is Always Good
Red Ginger - Fire Is Good, But Lunch With Friends Is Better
Red Ginger – Fire Is Good, But Lunch With Friends Is Better
Red Ginger - Getting Pretty Free and Easy With That Sake
Red Ginger – Getting Pretty Free and Easy With That Sake
Red Ginger - Getting Pretty Free and Easy With That Sake
Red Ginger – This Guy Likes To Share His Sake.
Red Ginger - Fire Is Good, But Lunch With Friends Is Better
Red Ginger - So Much Sake. SO MUCH.

We had to walk about 6 blocks to find the much more reasonably priced Valhalla’s Pub & Eatery, which not only had good food…

Valhalla's: Where Vikings Go To Eat
Valhalla’s: Meals Fit For A Jarl
Valhalla's Menu - I Should Have Tried the Loki's Loaded Fries
Valhalla’s Menu – I Should Have Tried the Loki’s Loaded Fries

…but they clearly have a sense of humor about themselves as well.

Valhalla's - Our Waiter Posed For A Pic
Valhalla’s – Our Waiter Posed For A Pic

I also strongly suggest avoiding Mellow Mushroom. Their service was terrible and their food was mediocre at best. We had a party of 10; it took us 30 minutes of waiting to get a table, 20 minutes for the waiter to come for our order, and almost 40 minutes to get our food–and it turned out the order was missing items, which meant more waiting.

About That Giveaway…

If you couldn’t make it to the AAD Convention, I have not one but 3 separate prize packs just for you!

AAD 2014 Charlotte - The Giveaway Prizes!
AAD 2014 Charlotte – The Giveaway Prizes!
AAD 2014 Charlotte - The Giveaway Prizes!
AAD 2014 Charlotte – The Giveaway Prizes!
AAD 2014 Charlotte - The Giveaway Prizes!
AAD 2014 Charlotte – The Giveaway Prizes!

Randomly selected books and swag from the above pictures will go into the themed bags I created for you! Everything you see above will be split into 3 prize packs. Yes–you’ll even get an official Authors After Dark Convention swag bag, complete with cherry-picked promo, swag, a number of ebook download codes, and a random selection of the physical books you see in the picture below, just as if you had come to the con yourself!

This is all thanks to the generosity of the authors listed below (and if they offered 1 or more paperback book, see the note beside their name in parenthesis for the title; no note means they gave ebooks and/or swag). Please be sure to visit the following authors on Facebook and Twitter (and buy their books!) to thank them for playing along:

(** Indicates author offered 1 or more signed paperback books. Signed books will be randomly divided between the 3 winners.)

These giveaways are intended to go to people who really wanted to go but couldn’t make it this year or don’t otherwise have the means to get their hands on these books. If you attended Authors After Dark, be sure to tell your friends about this giveaway so they have a shot at winning all of the wonderful things you brought home from the con!

Enter To Win One of Three Authors After Dark Prize Packs! (U.S. Only)

Enter to win books, books, more books! There is an eclectic mix of urban fantasy, paranormal romance, contemporary romance (new adult, cowboy, sweet, etc.) and more. There are shot glasses, pens, pins, magnets, even a T-shirt! Whatever the flavor of books or swag you enjoy, there is something in here for you!

AAD 2014 Charlotte - The Giveaway Prizes! Check Out These Books...
AAD 2014 Charlotte – The Giveaway Prizes! Check Out These Books…

The selection of paperbacks includes titles like:

  • A BRUSH OF DARKNESS
  • A MIDWINTER FANTASY (anthology)
  • A TALE OF TWO DJINNS
  • AWAKENED
  • CLOSE TO THE BROKEN HEARTED
  • ENSLAVED BY THE OTHERS
  • MAKE DAMN SURE
  • SET ADRIFT
  • SWEET FILTHY BOY
  • THE REAL WEREWIVES OF VAMPIRE COUNTY (anthology)
  • THE SPIDER
  • TURNED
  • WHEN DARKNESS COMES
  • And many more…

Each winner will get at least 10 paperback books (minimum 3 signed by the author[s]) and 2 (or more) free ebooks.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

(Unfortunately, as costs of shipping outside the U.S. are prohibitive, this giveaway is U.S. only.)

Please be kind, pay it forward, and tell your friends who couldn’t make it to the con about this special giveaway so they can play along at home, too!

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Friday Funnies – Shiarra Waynest Talks About Vampire Reproduction

H&W Covers

I’ve decided to revamp the Friday Funnies and re-post the guest posts I’ve written for blog tours and such. I may sneak in a few new ones here and there. Since some of the blogs I originally wrote these for have disappeared I thought it might be a good idea to save and re-share the posts here.

I’m sure if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably familiar with my characters by now, so I’ll save you the chore of reading through my intros. For anyone who stumbles across this who is not familiar, basic info on the characters can be found here, a funnier idea of who they are (in GIFs) can be found here, and a book list/buy links can be found here. All character interviews will be tagged that way so they’re easy to find on the blog.

Now–on with the shenanigans! Shiarra is going to tell you a little bit about vampiric reproductive habits.  Over to you, Shia!

______________

Shiarra:  First, I’d just like to say ew.

Royce:  Squeamish, are we?

Shiarra:  Dead men shouldn’t have to “reproduce”.

Arnold:  I’m with Shia on this one.  Reproduction is supposed to be an act to make more living critters.  The last thing we need around here are more walking corpses.

Royce:  I beg to differ.  Every creature alive—and, no matter what you might think, vampires do have some semblance of life as we are still walking, talking beings—seeks to create more of its own kind.  It’s a natural urge.

Chaz:  Not when it involves a corpse.  Isn’t there a term for that?

Arnold:  Yeah.  Necrophilia.

Sara:  I think I’m going to be sick.

Royce:  I thought we were discussing reproduction, not sex.

Shiarra:  There’s a difference?  . . . oh, God, why did I ask that??

Sara:  Oh, yeah.  I read some magazine article about it.  Vampires don’t make more of themselves through sex, they do it by infecting their victims with the vamp virus through biting and sharing their blood.

Shiarra:  Gross!

Chaz:  Heh.  They’re a walking disease.

Arnold:  I wonder if they sell vamp virus microbe plushies on ThinkGeek?

Royce:  Very funny, people.

Sara:  Well, it’s true.

Royce:  We are selective about who we pass vampirism on to.  It’s not as though we indiscriminately create more of ourselves through our victims.  The world would soon be overrun and we would run out of food if we did not take some care.

Shiarra:  Why make more parasites?  That’s all you are.

Royce:  Hardly.  We are simply higher on the food chain than humans, Ms. Waynest.  We are an evolved, superior species.

Chaz:  Says the walking plague.

Royce:  Take care what you say, dog.  You might recall that you, too, spread your filthy genes and make more of your kind through a viral infection.

Chaz:  Hey!  That’s not true all the time.  Some kids are born as werewolves.

Arnold:  Ugh, what a great way to start puberty.  “Hey, Mom, guess what!  All that hair I started growing is actually fur!”

Sara:  Honey, be nice.

Arnold:  . . . sorry.

Shiarra:  This conversation is so wrong on so many levels.

Royce:  Did you honestly think that vampires had sex to reproduce?

Shiarra:  Honestly?  I did my best never to ever think about it.  Ugh.

Sara:  Wait a sec.  Are you saying vamps do have sex?  Ew.

Royce:  Sure.  The exchange of fluids might be a tad different than it is for humans, and we are only doing it for the sensation, not to reproduce—but otherwise we certainly still function in all the same ways.

Chaz:  But you’re a dead man.  How the hell do you get it up?

Arnold:  I’m gonna go wait outside for the rest of this conversation.

Shia:  Come back here!  If we have to listen to it, so do you.

Royce:  For God’s sake, you are such children. I thought your generation learned about sex in school—not to mention that you’re all of breeding age.  Don’t tell me you need me to spell this out for you.

Arnold:  They don’t teach vampire biology in high school.

Chaz:  Hey, I don’t need any lessons about sex.

Shiarra:  Chaz!

Royce:  Are you sure?  If I don’t miss my guess, you and your lady love are uncontracted—which must mean you’re not seeing any action to speak of.

Chaz:  Why, you—

Shiarra:  CHAZ!

Royce:  I, on the other hand, have certain privileges available to me thanks to that contract—

Shiarra:  AUGH! Not in a million years you sick son of a—

Chaz:  Shia!

Royce:  I’m just saying—

Shiarra:  That’s it, we’re done.

Sara:  Thank God.

______________

Yeah, you know, I think that’s enough on that subject.

If you’ve never heard of my books and want more info, head to the main page of my website for news on the latest deals, the reading order, etc. Or you can support more of this silliness by buying ‘em now!

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Friday Funnies – Arnold Talks About Being A Sexy Sidekick

H&W Covers

I’ve decided to revamp the Friday Funnies and re-post the guest posts I’ve written for blog tours and such. I may sneak in a few new ones here and there. Since some of the blogs I originally wrote these for have disappeared I thought it might be a good idea to save and re-share the posts here.

I’m sure if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably familiar with my characters by now, so I’ll save you the chore of reading through my intros. For anyone who stumbles across this who is not familiar, basic info on the characters can be found here, a funnier idea of who they are (in GIFs) can be found here, and a book list/buy links can be found here. All character interviews will be tagged that way so they’re easy to find on the blog.

Now–on with the shenanigans! Shia, Arnold, and some of their friends are going to discuss what it’s like being a sexy sidekick.

Take the floor, guys!

______________

Arnold:  Oh, baby!  You know you want me.

Sara:  Arnold . . .

Arnold:  Whoops, sorry, love.

Shiarra:  I think I’m going to barf.

Royce:  I think we should be discussing Ms. Halloway if we’re going to be talking about sexy sidekicks.  At least she’s attractive.

Sara:  . . . um.  Thanks?

Chaz:  I hate agreeing with the vamp, but he’s right.  You’re pretty hot.

Shiarra:  Chaz.

Chaz:  What?  The vampire can say it and I can’t?

Shiarra:  I’m not dating the vampire.

Royce:  That’s easy enough to amend . . .

Shiarra:  GOD, no.

Arnold:  Hey, I thought we were here to talk about me?

Sara:  Oh, stop pouting.  You know I think you’re adorable, and that’s what matters.

Arnold:  Aw. I know.

Chaz:  I’m feeling left out, too.

Shiarra:  Sweetie, you and Royce get talked about a lot.  It’s Arnold’s turn.

Arnold:  Yeah, fuzzbrain.  I’m going to enjoy every minute of this!

Chaz:  Oh, dream on spark.  Nobody finds a D&D nerd sexy.

Sara:  Ahem.

Royce:  I’m afraid I must concur.  There isn’t much sex appeal in a boy who lives in his mother’s basement playing video games all day.

Arnold:  Excuse me?  Do I look like I play video games all day?  Also, I haven’t lived in my mother’s basement since I was a teenager.

Sara:  Yeah.  He has a beautiful apartment in Greenwich with a view.

Shiarra:  I’ve seen it.  If not for all the computers and gaming manuals, it would be pretty awesome.

Arnold:  Stop smirking like that, you walking corpse.

Royce:  I can’t help but find this amusing.  You are, not to put too fine a point on it, a nerd.  You wear glasses.  You play with dice.  You dawdle on computers.  What’s attractive about that?

Sara:  You know what?  It’s more attractive than a walking, talking dead man.  He has a pulse, he has morals, and he’s—

Shiarra:  Actually, he’s not that moral.

Arnold:  What?  Yes I am!

Shiarra:  Every time you helped me, you were doing it for your own reasons.

Arnold:  But I still helped you.

Chaz:  Did he touch you?

Shiarra:  Of course he didn’t.  He has Sara.  Don’t get all Were-territorial on me.

Sara:  Anyway.  Like I was saying.

Royce:  Oh, do go on.

Shiarra:  Enough with the sarcasm, you.

Royce:  I’ll attempt to restrain myself.

Sara:  You know, I have to say, the glasses are adorable.  Get me every time.

Arnold:  Aw, really?

Sara:  Yes, really.

Shiarra:  Gag.

Sara:  Shia . . .

Shiarra:  . . . sorry.

______________

Well, that was . . . uhhh . . . yeah.

If you’ve never heard of my books and want more info, head to the main page of my website for news on the latest deals, the reading order, etc. Or you can support more of this silliness by buying ‘em now!

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Guest Author Brooklyn Ann — PHANTASMAGORIA: The Prequel to Modern Horror Movies

My girl Brooklyn Ann is here to tell you guys about a nifty slice of horror history addressed in her latest historical paranormal romance, ONE BITE PER NIGHT. I had the pleasure of reading an early copy and can tell you it was a fun, sexy read that mixes the best of paranormal and historical romance.

PHANTASMAGORIA: The Prequel to Modern Horror Movies

by: Brooklyn Ann

Website / Twitter / Facebook

Since Jess and I originally became friends due to our mutual love of horror films, I figured I’ll tell you all about the precursor to modern day horror films: The Phantasmagoria.

Phantasmagorias came about the late eighteenth century and remained popular throughout the nineteenth century. They originated from an invention called a “Magic Lantern,” a device in which one could place painted slides, kind of like slide-show film. The slides could be projected onto a screen and switched quickly while a narrator told a tale to accompany the images. The lantern also had various levers and slides to make the images appear to move and change size.

People used the magic lantern to put on a macabre show of ghosts, ghouls, and demons to terrify their captivated audiences. In their early days, a few unscrupulous “magicians” used them to “summon” ghosts and scare the hell out of people. One guy’s show was halted by the French Police because people believed he had the power to bring Louis XVI back from the dead.

Here’s a video of one being used!

Phantasmagoria Magic Lantern – Fantasmagoria Llanterna Màgica. Museu del Cinema

Watch this video “>on YouTube.

I knew that the heroine from BITE ME, YOUR GRACE would LOVE these things, since she’s a gothic authoress. In ONE BITE PER NIGHT, the vampire duchess of Burnrath sponsors American painter, Lydia Price, for her debut in society. When Angelica shows Lydia the phantasmagoria, Lydia’s imagination is captured and they decide to create a most unique one.

I can’t say any more about that without giving the story away, but ONE BITE PER NIGHT releases August 5th and is available for pre-order here:

What’s your favorite horror movie?

I’m giving away a copy of ONE BITE PER NIGHT to one commenter.

One Bite Per Night

He wanted her off his hands… Now he’ll do anything to hold on to her …Forever.

Vincent Tremayne, the reclusive “Devil Earl,” has been manipulated into taking rambunctious Lydia Price as his ward. As Lord Vampire of Cornwall, Vincent has better things to do than bring out an unruly debutante.

American-born Lydia Price doesn’t care for the stuffy strictures of the ton, and is unimpressed with her foppish suitors. She dreams of studying with the talented but scandalous British portrait painter, Sir Thomas Lawrence. But just when it seems her dreams will come true, Lydia is plunged into Vincent’s dark world and finds herself caught between the life she’s known and a future she never could have imagined.

Catch up on the whole series!

1. Bite Me, Your Grace
2. One Bite Per Night
3. Bite At First Sight (Coming Spring 2015)

Thanks again for stopping by, Brooklyn Ann!

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Friday Funnies – The H&W Team Talks About Character Alignment

H&W Covers

I’ve decided to revamp the Friday Funnies and re-post the guest posts I’ve written for blog tours and such. I may sneak in a few new ones here and there. Since some of the blogs I originally wrote these for have disappeared I thought it might be a good idea to save and re-share the posts here.

I’m sure if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably familiar with my characters by now, so I’ll save you the chore of reading through my intros. For anyone who stumbles across this who is not familiar, basic info on the characters can be found here, a funnier idea of who they are (in GIFs) can be found here, and a book list/buy links can be found here. All character interviews will be tagged that way so they’re easy to find on the blog.

Now–on with the shenanigans! Today the cast of HUNTED BY THE OTHERS are going to talk about character alignment—in other words, whether one is good, evil, or somewhere in between . . .

______________

Shiarra:  What the hell is character alignment?

Arnold:  I can answer that.  I think I know more about this than the rest of you guys.

Shiarra:  Well, yeah.  What is it?

Arnold:  Ever play D&D?  Or some other roleplaying game?

Sara:  Not all of us are as geeky as you, hun.

Shiarra:  *shifty eyes*

Arnold:  Character alignment is sort of like saying whether you’re likely to be a good or a bad guy.  There are different sorts of characterizations for it—like lawful evil or chaotic good.  You’re just picking what kind of path your characters might take in the campaign, so your DM—

Chaz:  Your what?

Arnold:  DM.  Dungeon Master.

Chaz:  The what?

Sara:  That sounds kinda kinky.

 Arnold:  I can make it kinky.

Royce:  I think that’s quite enough of that.

Shiarra:  Seconded.

Chaz:  What.

Arnold:  So the DM needs to know whether your character is acting the way he should.  A lawful good character wouldn’t steal candy from a baby.  A chaotic evil character wouldn’t save someone’s life unless he intended to use them for something nefarious later on.  Get the picture?

Chaz:  No.

Arnold:  Anyway.   Does that explain it for the rest of you?

Chaz:  Uh, no.

Shiarra:  Yes.

Sara:  Sure.

Royce:  I don’t like where this conversation is headed.

Arnold:  Moving right along.

Chaz:  I don’t get it.

Shiarra:  I’ll explain it to you later, babe.  Okay, Arnold—what classifications are there?

Arnold:  You have your base alignment, which is good, evil, or neutral.  Then you have a sub-alignment—lawful, neutral or chaotic.

Chaz:  Chaotic?  I like fighting.

Royce:  We know.

Shiarra:  Oh!  So that means Chaz is chaotic good, right?

Arnold:  Right.

Sara:  Shia, that would make you and me lawful good.

Arnold:  Exactly, you got it.

Shiarra:  So what are you?

Arnold:  Err . . .

Chaz:  I’m still not sure what you guys mean.

Sara:  Actually, I’m more curious about the vampire.  Royce, what would you say you are?

Royce:  I’d rather not discuss this.

Shiarra:  Why not?

Royce:  We are talking about D&D.  As if my image hasn’t already been sullied enough the last few months.

Arnold:  Hey!  I will have you know there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a gamer geek!

Sara:  We know, sweetie.

Shiarra:  *makes gagging noises*

Chaz:  I’m not a gamer geek either.  Seriously, I don’t get it.  Someone explain it to me?

Arnold:  Okay.  Small words.  You.  Chaotic good.  You do chaotic things like fight when it’s not necessarily the right time to be fighting someone.  However, you do it for the right reasons.

Chaz:  . . . oh.

Shiarra:  I still want to know about Royce.  Let’s guess!

Royce:  I’d rather you didn’t.

Shiarra:  Tough.

Sara:  The more he twitches, the closer we are to guessing it!

Arnold:  I’m guessing lawful neutral.  He doesn’t usually pick sides, but he sticks to the law from what I’ve seen.

Shiarra:  I don’t know.  He did use threats to get me sign the contract.  That seems pretty evil.

Royce:  Could we not discuss this?

Sara:  I see a twitch!

Royce:  Ms. Halloway, I don’t appreciate your attitude.

Sara:  I think we’re close to the mark!

Shiarra:  Ohhh, I get it!  He’s lawful evil!  He’s a blood-sucking fiend who sticks to the letter of the law!

Arnold:  Hey, that seems pretty spot-on, actually.

Royce:  My.  How astute.  Why don’t we discuss the mage?

Arnold:  I dunno, I think we’re about ready to wrap up here . . .

Chaz:  Wait, no, I think I’ve almost got it!  So the vampire is evil because he’s a vampire!  . . . right?

Royce:  Yes.  That is exactly it.  Let us all bow to your expertise.

Shiarra:  Hey!  That’s not nice.

Arnold:  While I do enjoy picking on the jock, I think it’s about time to wrap this up.  So remember, kids!  Vampires are always evil, blood-sucking fiends.

Royce:  Oh, go attack a gazebo.

______________

(For added laughs, if you don’t get the gazebo reference–or even if you do–check this out.)

If you’ve never heard of my books and want more info, head to the main page of my website for news on the latest deals, the reading order, etc. Or you can support more of this silliness by buying ‘em now!

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Friday Funnies – The H&W Gang Talk About TAKEN BY THE OTHERS

H&W Covers

I’ve decided to revamp the Friday Funnies and re-post the guest posts I’ve written for blog tours and such. I may sneak in a few new ones here and there. Since some of the blogs I originally wrote these for have disappeared I thought it might be a good idea to save and re-share the posts here.

I’m sure if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably familiar with my characters by now, so I’ll save you the chore of reading through my intros. For anyone who stumbles across this who is not familiar, basic info on the characters can be found here, a funnier idea of who they are (in GIFs) can be found here, and a book list/buy links can be found here. All character interviews will be tagged that way so they’re easy to find on the blog.

Shiarra and the gang are going to talk a little bit about themselves and to tell you (without spoiling!) some of what’s coming in TAKEN BY THE OTHERS.

Take the floor, Shia!

______________

Shiarra:  Jeez, I don’t know what to say without telling people what happens.  Anyone have any bright ideas?

Chaz:  Nope.

Royce:  You could tell them your thoughts on what it was like to be caught in a tussle between two vampires.  I suppose some people find that sort of thing interesting.

Shiarra:  You just want to hear me talk about you.

Royce:  I do admit it’s amusing to listen to you attempt to justify your fear of me and my kind.  I’ve yet to do anything to deserve your sour looks, Ms. Waynest.

Shiarra:  Don’t get me started, Mr. Ohh-you-could-be-young-and-beautiful-forever-creepy-pants-vampire.

Chaz:  What?  What are you talking about?

Shiarra:  Nothing.  He was being gross.  And joking.  I hope.

Royce:  Hardly.

Chaz:  We’re going to have a talk after this interview.

Shiarra:  Oh, great.

Arnold:  How about you talk about the White Hats?  Jack’s back in town, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind a little publicity for his organization.

Chaz:  I don’t like the idea of promoting a group that’s out to kill my kind.  They can kill the vamps all they want, though.

Royce:  I don’t appreciate your tone, dog.

Shiarra:  Will you two knock it off?  I think I can tell them a little bit about the White Hats.

Sara:  Most of them are nuts, but in a good way.

Shiarra:  Not really.  Breaking into my house to ask me at knifepoint to join their cause and then later showing up at my office to hold a gun on me and ask me to join their cause doesn’t exactly inspire fuzzy-bunny feelings where they’re concerned.

Sara:  Er, right.  Maybe working with them isn’t such a hot idea . . .

Shiarra:  Yeah.  They don’t like anything with fur or fangs.  They’re okay with mages—

Arnold:  “Magi”—not “mages”.  Mages sounds like something you put in stew.  I am not for stew!

Shiarra:  Whatever.  So Jack swung by to tell me that I was going to be in the middle of some kind of pissing contest between Royce and this asshat, Max Carlyle.  He wanted me to pick sides between the two vamps and the White Hats.

Royce:  Max only sought recompense for his losses.  I imagine I might have done the same had I been in his position.

Shiarra:  By trying to kill me?

Sara:  By kidnapping, murdering, and torturing innocent people?

Chaz:  By turning into a James Bond villain and framing the good guys for his dirty deeds?

Arnold:  I thought he was more like Professor Moriarty from Sherlock Holmes.  He had that criminal mastermind thing down pretty good.

Royce:  Perhaps I would not have gone to such dramatic lengths as he did—

Chaz:  Yeah, instead you would’ve turned her into a vamp to save her from a vamp.  Real smarts there.

Shiarra: Uh, ew?  Can we not talk about that?

Sara:  I’m trying and failing to picture you as a vamp.

Arnold:  I’m picturing you with a cheesy Transylvanian accent going, “I vant to suck your bloooood.  Oh, ewww, I got blood on me!  Get it off!”

Chaz:  Ha!  Good one.

Shiarra:  Sara, can I please punch your boyfriend?

Sara:  Not right now.

Shiarra:  Damn.

Royce:  Can we return to the topic at hand?  All I’m saying is that I can see the reasoning behind his actions, however misguided they might have been.

Shiarra:  Okay, you want to know why I’m afraid of vamps?  That.  That right there.  Do you even hear yourself talk?  Max was psycho—and you understand his reasoning?  That’s freaking creepy.

Royce:  I assure you, Ms. Waynest, if I truly wanted to frighten you, I have far more convincing methods.

Sara:  Okay, I’m with Shia on this.  Creepy vamp needs to stop talking now.

Shiarra:  I don’t know what scares me more.  Working for crazy vamp hunters, or working with the vamp they’re hunting.

______________

What do you think, folks—would Shia be better off working with the vamps or the vamp hunters?

If you’ve never heard of my books and want more info, head to the main page of my website for news on the latest deals, the reading order, etc. Or you can support more of this silliness by buying ‘em now!

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Friday Funnies – The H&W Team Talk About Dating

H&W Covers

I’ve decided to revamp the Friday Funnies and re-post the guest posts I’ve written for blog tours and such. I may sneak in a few new ones here and there. Since some of the blogs I originally wrote these for have disappeared I thought it might be a good idea to save and re-share the posts here.

I’m sure if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably familiar with my characters by now, so I’ll save you the chore of reading through my intros. For anyone who stumbles across this who is not familiar, basic info on the characters can be found here, a funnier idea of who they are (in GIFs) can be found here, and a book list/buy links can be found here. All character interviews will be tagged that way so they’re easy to find on the blog.

Shiarra and the gang are here to give you some dating tips and talk about relationships. Take the floor, guys!

______________

Sara:  Okay, we’re here to talk about how Arnold and I hooked up.

Arnold:  Yo.

Royce:  Is there a reason we were handed these papers?

Shiarra:  Yeah, someone thought it would be funny to have us answer some of the questions from one of those dating surveys like you find on those online dating websites.

Chaz:  How do you know what questions they ask on online dating websites?

Shiarra:  . . . um . . . Cosmo?

Sara:  Do I have to answer these?  I’m already in a relationship.

Arnold:  Maybe it’ll be fun.

Royce:  Fun like a root canal.

Shiarra:  Wait, how would you know what that’s like?  You’ve been dead—undead—whatever—longer than modern dentistry has been around.

Royce:  Dentistry has been around in one fashion or another longer than I have.  Regardless, it wouldn’t do to pass on some infection to one of my donors due to poor hygiene.

Shiarra & Sara:  Ewww!

Arnold:  Yeah, how about we stop talking to the creepy vampire.

Chaz:  I kind of like this.  “Do you do see yourself leading others?”  Yes.  “Do you usually stand up for yourself?”  Yes.  “Do you seek adventure?”  Hell yes.

Shiarra:  I don’t know.  Do I really have to say how much money I make?

Royce:  I don’t see how some of these questions are relevant.  Why am I being asked about my level of education?  We did not have high schools when I was human, and I’m not about to go to night school to get a G.E.D.

Arnold:  Yeah.  This list of hobbies sucks.  Where’s the D&D and laser tag?

Sara:  If I had put on here the kind of physical attributes I was looking for in a guy, I never would have found Arnold.

Arnold:  Hey!

Sara:  . . . that’s not a bad thing.

Chaz:  According to this, I’m a sexy, athletic god.

Shiarra:  Yes, you are.

Royce:  You left out the part where you’re a vicious, slavering monster during the full moon.  Some people would consider that vital information to have about a prospective date.

Chaz:  Give me a break.  At least I’m normal most of the time, not a walking corpse 24-7.

Arnold:  Guys, tone it down.

Royce:  Quiet, spark.  This has nothing to do with you.

Arnold:  Oh, yeah?  Come say that to my face, fangs.

Sara:  Arnold, please don’t bait the vampire.

Arnold:  He started it!

Shiarra: My, we’re all such bastions of maturity today.

Sara:  I want to know how you answer the one about analyzing problems and dealing with stress.

Royce:  Yes, how would you answer those, Ms. Waynest?

Shiarra:  I don’t have to put up with this, you know.

Chaz:  Don’t worry.  I don’t need to see a survey to know I love you.

Shiarra:  Aw!  Thank you, sweetie!

Chaz:  So, what should I put under the part about a perfect date?  I’m not good at that romantic shi—

Shiarra:  Chaz!

Chaz:  . . . stuff.

Royce:  What a surprise.

Arnold:  I don’t think anyone asked for your opinion, fang-boy.

Royce:  I tire of your insults, spark.

Arnold:  Says the sarcastic—

Sara:  Honey, please stop teasing the vamp.

Royce:  Thank you, Ms. Halloway.

Sara:  I wasn’t doing that for your sake.

Arnold:  For me?

Sara:  Yup.  Seeing you turned into vamp-bait isn’t on my to-do list.

Arnold:  Aw.  Don’t worry, love, I could turn him into a pile of ash, no problem.

Royce:  We’ll see about that, mage.

Shiarra:  Are you guys done with your pissing contest yet?  Yeesh.  How do you manage to rub everyone you meet the wrong way like that?  Seems like some specially honed skill.  Can’t imagine that goes over too well with the ladies.

Royce:  Oh, trust me, Ms. Waynest, not everyone immediately slots me in with the devil’s minions upon finding out what I am.

Shiarra:  Haven’t seen you with a girl yet . . .

Royce:  Oh?  Perhaps you have not spent enough time in my bedchamber.

Chaz:  Hey!  There’ll be no talk of my girlfriend anywhere near your bed!

Shiarra:  Seriously.  Gross.

Chaz:  Wait—“enough” time?!

Shiarra:  Oh, hey, look at the time!  Interview’s over!!

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