I’ve decided to revamp the Friday Funnies and re-post the guest posts I’ve written for blog tours and such. I may sneak in a few new ones here and there. Since some of the blogs I originally wrote these for have disappeared I thought it might be a good idea to save and re-share the posts here.
I’m sure if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably familiar with my characters by now, so I’ll save you the chore of reading through my intros. For anyone who stumbles across this who is not familiar, basic info on the characters can be found here, a funnier idea of who they are (in GIFs) can be found here, and a book list/buy links can be found here. All character interviews will be tagged that way so they’re easy to find on the blog.
Shiarra and the gang are here to give you some dating tips and talk about relationships. Take the floor, guys!
Sara: Okay, we’re here to talk about how Arnold and I hooked up.
Royce: Is there a reason we were handed these papers?
Shiarra: Yeah, someone thought it would be funny to have us answer some of the questions from one of those dating surveys like you find on those online dating websites.
Chaz: How do you know what questions they ask on online dating websites?
Shiarra: . . . um . . . Cosmo?
Sara: Do I have to answer these? I’m already in a relationship.
Arnold: Maybe it’ll be fun.
Royce: Fun like a root canal.
Shiarra: Wait, how would you know what that’s like? You’ve been dead—undead—whatever—longer than modern dentistry has been around.
Royce: Dentistry has been around in one fashion or another longer than I have. Regardless, it wouldn’t do to pass on some infection to one of my donors due to poor hygiene.
Shiarra & Sara: Ewww!
Arnold: Yeah, how about we stop talking to the creepy vampire.
Chaz: I kind of like this. “Do you do see yourself leading others?” Yes. “Do you usually stand up for yourself?” Yes. “Do you seek adventure?” Hell yes.
Shiarra: I don’t know. Do I really have to say how much money I make?
Royce: I don’t see how some of these questions are relevant. Why am I being asked about my level of education? We did not have high schools when I was human, and I’m not about to go to night school to get a G.E.D.
Arnold: Yeah. This list of hobbies sucks. Where’s the D&D and laser tag?
Sara: If I had put on here the kind of physical attributes I was looking for in a guy, I never would have found Arnold.
Sara: . . . that’s not a bad thing.
Chaz: According to this, I’m a sexy, athletic god.
Shiarra: Yes, you are.
Royce: You left out the part where you’re a vicious, slavering monster during the full moon. Some people would consider that vital information to have about a prospective date.
Chaz: Give me a break. At least I’m normal most of the time, not a walking corpse 24-7.
Arnold: Guys, tone it down.
Royce: Quiet, spark. This has nothing to do with you.
Arnold: Oh, yeah? Come say that to my face, fangs.
Sara: Arnold, please don’t bait the vampire.
Arnold: He started it!
Shiarra: My, we’re all such bastions of maturity today.
Sara: I want to know how you answer the one about analyzing problems and dealing with stress.
Royce: Yes, how would you answer those, Ms. Waynest?
Shiarra: I don’t have to put up with this, you know.
Chaz: Don’t worry. I don’t need to see a survey to know I love you.
Shiarra: Aw! Thank you, sweetie!
Chaz: So, what should I put under the part about a perfect date? I’m not good at that romantic shi—
Chaz: . . . stuff.
Royce: What a surprise.
Arnold: I don’t think anyone asked for your opinion, fang-boy.
Royce: I tire of your insults, spark.
Arnold: Says the sarcastic—
Sara: Honey, please stop teasing the vamp.
Royce: Thank you, Ms. Halloway.
Sara: I wasn’t doing that for your sake.
Arnold: For me?
Sara: Yup. Seeing you turned into vamp-bait isn’t on my to-do list.
Arnold: Aw. Don’t worry, love, I could turn him into a pile of ash, no problem.
Royce: We’ll see about that, mage.
Shiarra: Are you guys done with your pissing contest yet? Yeesh. How do you manage to rub everyone you meet the wrong way like that? Seems like some specially honed skill. Can’t imagine that goes over too well with the ladies.
Royce: Oh, trust me, Ms. Waynest, not everyone immediately slots me in with the devil’s minions upon finding out what I am.
Shiarra: Haven’t seen you with a girl yet . . .
Royce: Oh? Perhaps you have not spent enough time in my bedchamber.
Chaz: Hey! There’ll be no talk of my girlfriend anywhere near your bed!
Shiarra: Seriously. Gross.
Chaz: Wait—“enough” time?!
Shiarra: Oh, hey, look at the time! Interview’s over!!
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