I’ve decided to revamp the Friday Funnies and re-post the guest posts I’ve written for blog tours and such. I may sneak in a few new ones here and there. Since some of the blogs I originally wrote these for have disappeared I thought it might be a good idea to save and re-share the posts here.
I’m sure if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably familiar with my characters by now, so I’ll save you the chore of reading through my intros. For anyone who stumbles across this who is not familiar, basic info on the characters can be found here, a funnier idea of who they are (in GIFs) can be found here, and a book list/buy links can be found here. All character interviews will be tagged that way so they’re easy to find on the blog.
Now–on with the shenanigans! Shiarra and her friends are going to discuss her New Year Resolutions. Over to you, Shia!
Sara: Ha! Since when is Alec Royce your friend? I thought he scared the daylights out of you.
Shiarra: He does.
Royce: Do I really? How intriguing.
Shiarra: Yeah. See, you creep me the fu—
Shiarra: . . . err. Yeah. I hardly consider us bosom buddies.
Royce: Interesting choice of words, Ms. Waynest.
Shiarra: Hey! That’s not what I meant. See, if you don’t stop acting creepy like that, I don’t know how I could ever consider you a friend.
Royce: Why not? I’ve done more for you than that fleabag who shadows you.
Sara: That’s not very nice.
Royce: I never claimed I was nice. I’m simply stating a fact.
Shiarra: Okay, first of all, that “fleabag” is—was—my boyfriend, so of course he spent time with me. Second of all, Chaz does not have fleas.
Royce: No? Would “tick-infested” be more accurate? Those werewolves do like to spend their time wandering in the woods, I hear.
Shiarra: Ugh. That is the last thing I want to think about when it comes to someone I slept with. You don’t have to rub it in. I’m already kicking myself enough for making that mistake.
Royce: As you should be.
Shiarra: Man, what is your problem tonight? Why are you so mean?
Sara: He’s a vampire. I think that means he automatically turns into a grouchy old man in a young guy’s body.
Royce: If that wasn’t such an apt description, I might have taken offense.
Sara: . . . thanks?
Shiarra: Anyway, we’re here to talk about making a resolution for New Year’s. My resolution is going to be to spend less time with pervy, manipulative vampires.
Royce: I’m hardly a pervert, Ms. Waynest. I simply enjoy watching you squirm.
Sara: Oh, yuck! I’m with Shia on this one. You are being gross.
Royce: My, you two are squeamish. I had no idea you were as affected by me as Shiarra, Ms. Halloway.
Sara: Affected? Don’t you mean “totally creeped out by?”
Royce: Perhaps. It’s not like I haven’t sensed desire from you both at one point or another.
Shiarra: One. More. Word. Just give me a reason to smack you.
Royce: Ah, that’s right. Our contract does give you certain liberties. It would be an interesting experiment to see how you fare without your stakes.
Shiarra: Stop talking dirty and maybe we won’t have a reason to resort to violence, Mr. Pervy-McPerv-Pants.
Sara: On topic, I think your resolution should be never to use “Pervy-McPerv-Pants” in a sentence ever again.
Shiarra: Gee, thanks.
Sara: My resolution is going to be to take more insurance work. The pay is better.
Shiarra: What? That’s not much of a resolution.
Sara: Yeah, well. You keep bitching about me paying to keep the company afloat, so.
Shiarra: There, that should be your resolution. No more money out of your own pocket to pay the company’s bills.
Royce: Ladies, might I remind you this is a public forum? It might not look very good to prospective customers if they know your business is in such dire straits.
Shiarra: Considering what’s been in the papers, I’m not sure that it will come as much of a surprise to anyone. Anyway, you’re right. Back on topic!
Sara: What about you, Royce? What kind of New Year’s resolution does a vampire make?
Royce: I’m not sure that I need to. It’s not something I’ve paid much mind to. Though it dates back to an ancient Roman custom, the manner of its celebration has changed over the years. Originally, one was meant to ask the god Janus for forgiveness for their past transgressions and for the god’s blessings for the coming year. At the time, the people made promises to do something to better themselves or their families on a more personal or spiritual level. It didn’t even take place in December—it was sometime in the spring. March, if I recall correctly. The fad of choosing to diet and whatnot instead has only gained momentum in the last, oh, fifty years or so.
Sara: Hey, that reminds me. I want to lose ten pounds this year.
Royce: . . . why do I bother?
Shiarra: Hey, I’ve got it! Maybe your resolution this year should be to stop being such a snarky asshole.
Royce: I’ll take that under advisement.
Do you lovelies have any New Year’s resolutions this year?
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