Friday Funnies – Shiarra Waynest Talks About Butt Spiders

H&W Covers

I’ve decided to revamp the Friday Funnies and re-post the guest posts I’ve written for blog tours and such. I may sneak in a few new ones here and there. Since some of the blogs I originally wrote these for have disappeared I thought it might be a good idea to save and re-share the posts here.

I’m sure if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably familiar with my characters by now, so I’ll save you the chore of reading through my intros. For anyone who stumbles across this who is not familiar, basic info on the characters can be found here, a funnier idea of who they are (in GIFs) can be found here, and a book list/buy links can be found here. All character interviews will be tagged that way so they’re easy to find on the blog.

Now–on with the shenanigans! This post was originally for a themed event involving urban legends. On that note, Shiarra and some of her friends are here to tell you a little bit about butt spiders. Over to you, Shia!

______________

Shiarra: …uhh. What?

Arnold:  I’ve heard of these!  They hide under your toilet seat and jump out to bite you on the ass when you sit down.

Would You Like To Touch It

Chaz:  Oh, yeah.  I remember hearing about these.  They’re creepier than camel spiders.

Shiarra:  Camel spiders?  What?

Royce:  Don’t listen to those two.  The information about the spiders hiding under toilet seats was false.

Arnold:  Whoa.  I just had a thought.  What if it was a camel spider hiding under the toilet seat?

Chaz:  Dude.  Epic.

Shiarra:  I still don’t get what you guys are talking about. Why are they called camel spiders?

Royce:  I presume because they live in the desert, much like their namesake.

Chaz: I thought it was because they’re practically the size of a camel.

Camel Spider

Arnold: Oh, come on.  They’re big, but they’re not that big.

Chaz:  That’s what your mom said last night.

Shiarra:  Chaz!

Arnold:  That’s what your mom’s face said.  Burn!

Royce:  Ms. Waynest, explain to me one more time why you spend time with these ingrates?

Shiarra:  It’s a mystery for the ages.

Chaz:  Hey!

Arnold:  That wasn’t very nice.

Shiarra:  Yeah, well, you guys are talking about spiders.  It’s gross.

Chaz:  I heard a camel spider killed a dog once.

Royce:  I find that doubtful.  Most species of camel spider are not actually venomous.

Shiarra:  How do you know so much about spiders?  Wouldn’t think you’d be worried about being bitten by them, being all undead and stuff.

Royce:  Some of the people in my office delight in forwarding me email chain letters.

Arnold:  Wow, really?

Royce:  Yes.  Unfortunately.

Arnold:  That was how I heard about the spiders hiding under toilet seats.  Apparently, the original email was a hoax, but there’s a real type of poisonous spider in Australia that does like to hide under toilet seats.

Chaz:  I’m not surprised.  Australia seems to be where most of the poisonous and deadly crap in the animal kingdom comes from.

Meanwhile in Australia

Arnold:  Want to hear something really scary?

Shiarra:  No.

Chaz:  Yes!

Royce:  I doubt it will be that frightening, but go on.

Arnold:  I once heard that someone found a giant spider on their toilet paper roll.  It nearly bit their hand off.

Shiarra:  Oh, please.  I’ll believe in butt spiders before I believe in that.

Toilet Paper Spider

Royce:  That is a truly silly name for a spider.

Shiarra:  Whatever.  I’m out of here.  I need to go buy every can of Raid I can find.

Chaz:  Heh.  Butt spider.

______________

Have you heard any weird, scary, or silly stories involving spiders?

If you’ve never heard of my books and want more info, head to the main page of my website for news on the latest deals, the reading order, etc. Or you can support more of this silliness by buying ‘em now!

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Friday Funnies – The H&W Gang Discuss the Reality of Greek Beasts of Legend

H&W Covers

I’ve decided to revamp the Friday Funnies and re-post the guest posts I’ve written for blog tours and such. I may sneak in a few new ones here and there. Since some of the blogs I originally wrote these for have disappeared I thought it might be a good idea to save and re-share the posts here.

I’m sure if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably familiar with my characters by now, so I’ll save you the chore of reading through my intros. For anyone who stumbles across this who is not familiar, basic info on the characters can be found here, a funnier idea of who they are (in GIFs) can be found here, and a book list/buy links can be found here. All character interviews will be tagged that way so they’re easy to find on the blog.

Now–on with the shenanigans! Shiarra has been having a pretty bad time of things lately. She’s here with some of her friends (and otherwise) to tell you about it. Over to you, Shia!

______________

Shiarra: Why are we talking about this? Is it because the vampire is from Greece?

Royce: I suppose so.

Arnold: Maybe. I don’t mind talking about ‘em. Always dreamt of seeing a minotaur.

Chaz: What? Why?

Sara: I’d rather see a pegasus. Or a unicorn.

Royce: “A” Pegasus? That is the flying horse’s proper name. It has not been seen in… oh, I don’t know. Centuries, perhaps. Maybe longer.

Shiarra: Did you ever see it?

Royce: Yes.

Shiarra: Oh my God, really?

Royce: No.

Sara: Well, that’s disappointing.

Shiarra: Seriously.

Royce: Your childish naiveté in this matter is charming, but does not really become you. Just because I am from Greece doesn’t mean I’ve seen all of the monsters you hear about in legends.

Arnold: Boring. No minotaurs?

Royce: Much as I like the darkness, I have never made a habit of wandering around dark labyrinths that I do not possess a reliable map for or already own.

Chaz: You own a labyrinth?

Royce: I don’t feel inclined to answer that question.

Shiarra: Are you seriously telling me you’ve forgotten about—

Royce: Ms. Waynest, might I remind you that we are in a public forum? I don’t air your secrets to all and sundry. I would appreciate it if you would extend me the same courtesy.

Shiarra: . . . oh. Sure, I guess.

Arnold: Wait, really? He has a labyrinth? Why didn’t I know about this?

Royce: They are called secrets for a reason, mage.

Arnold: Don’t flash those fangs at me, man. I’ll find a spell to make you into the minotaur.

Chaz: I’ll bet the minotaur was a Were.

Arnold: What? Why?

Chaz: Giant, furry monster under the ground? Why not?

Sara: That makes a strange kind of sense.

Shiarra: Were-bull? Were-giant-ass-bull?

Chaz: I’ve heard of or met Were-cats, Were-bears, Were-birds, and even a Were-snake. So why not a Were-bull?

Arnold: I dunno, man. Sounds kind of stupid to me, but you’re the werewolf here, so I’ll bow to your superior wisdom.

Shiarra: Ah, hell. Now he’s never going to let us forget you said that.

Chaz: Damned right. Who’s the man? Boom.

Royce: If I wasn’t so opposed to committing violence in public, I would do serious harm to your person right now.

Chaz: Try me, dead man. Just try me.

Shiarra: Are any of the stories true? I mean, we’re in a room with a vampire, a werewolf, and a mage. You’d think anything is possible.

Sara: I’m guessing there must be some kernel of truth to all those legends, otherwise they wouldn’t persist.

Arnold: Yeah, like stories about sasquatch and the boogie man.

Royce: While I can’t deny that I have seen some strange creatures over the years, I can’t vouch for the ones involving creatures like unicorns, manticore, gorgons, or harpies. If they did or do exist, they have never made themselves known to me.

Arnold: Wait, so are you saying you have seen something the rest of us would consider a magical being?

Royce: I don’t see why you’re so excited at the prospect. You weren’t there, and you are more likely than I to have encountered creatures of fae blood during your studies.

Arnold: Sorry. Not that kind of mage. Planar stuff—summoned critters—are my forte.

Shiarra: Like that cat-thing you called in your apartment.

Sara: And your familiar.

Shiarra: Oh, yeah. I forgot about the mouse.

Arnold: Bob comes in handy now and then.

Chaz: I don’t see how. It’s too small to do anything useful.

Royce: Sometimes the actions of the smallest and most insignificant creatures can result in the downfall of an empire. It’s a lesson you would do well to take to heart.

Chaz: Whatever, leech.

Shiarra: Why do I get the feeling that was an oblique reference to me?

Royce: Perhaps because it is. I will never make the error of underestimating you again.

Shiarra: . . . thanks?

______________

If you’ve never heard of my books and want more info, head to the main page of my website for news on the latest deals, the reading order, etc. Or you can support more of this silliness by buying ‘em now!

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Friday Funnies – Shiarra Waynest Talks About Contracts

H&W Covers

I’ve decided to revamp the Friday Funnies and re-post the guest posts I’ve written for blog tours and such. I may sneak in a few new ones here and there. Since some of the blogs I originally wrote these for have disappeared I thought it might be a good idea to save and re-share the posts here.

I’m sure if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably familiar with my characters by now, so I’ll save you the chore of reading through my intros. For anyone who stumbles across this who is not familiar, basic info on the characters can be found here, a funnier idea of who they are (in GIFs) can be found here, and a book list/buy links can be found here. All character interviews will be tagged that way so they’re easy to find on the blog.

Now–on with the shenanigans! Shiarra is going to tell you a little bit about the contracts that humans have to sign before they can become “intimate” with their significant Others.  Over to you, Shia!

______________

Jack:      Untie me right now!  Let me out of here!

Chaz:     Shut up.

Shiarra: Chaz!  I don’t think this is right.  I thought this was supposed to be acivilized discussion.

Royce:  Oh, I don’t know.  We didn’t gag him.  He should be able to participate like the rest of us.

Jack:      As soon as I get out of here I’ll kill you all!

Royce:  That’s nothing new.

Arnold:  Ahem.  Jack, sorry, man, but you need to calm down.  It was the only way we could get the vamp and the werewolf to agree to be in the same room with you.

Jack:      I’m holding you accountable for this, spark.  You tricked me!

Shiarra: Look, let’s just hurry up and get this over with so we can get him out of here.

Royce: That’s fine with me.  I do believe we were going to discuss contracts.

Chaz:     Well, what about contracts?

Shiarra: Yeah.  This isn’t a comfortable subject, you know.

Jack:      Vampire’s whore.

Shiarra: HEY!

Royce:  That’s not entirely accurate.

Shiarra: Yeah.  Wait.  HEY.  *GLARES*  The number one thing to know about contracts is not to sign them!

Arnold: Didn’t stop you.

Chaz:     Hey, why haven’t you signed one for me?  You signed one for fang-boy over there.

Royce:  Some of us just have that way with women, I suppose.

Shiarra: Yeah, in that “I’ll destroy you and all you love if you don’t” sort of way.

Jack:      I want out of here.  Now.  Get this over with!

Arnold: Royce, you probably have the most experience out of the rest of us with contracts.  What do people usually ask you about it before signing one?

Shiarra: Other than “are you going to kill me”?

Royce:  There are two questions I get asked quite often.  First, and most frequently, is whether or not being bitten hurts.  They have no way of knowing beforehand as they can’t be bitten by vampires without a contract.

Jack:      Lying leech.  Since when do you follow the law?

Royce:  Bite your tongue, boy.  I may omit truths, but I find lying distasteful in the extreme.

Shiarra: Yeah, yeah.  What’s the other question?

Royce:  If I’ll grant them eternal life.

Jack:      Devil-spawn.

Chaz:     Really?  The only questions I ever get are if it hurts to shift and where the hair goes after we change.

Everyone Else:   . . .

Chaz:     What?

Shiarra: Okay.  Um.  Well then.

Jack:      Ugh.

Arnold: Jack, as long as you’re here, why don’t you tell us something about why you’re so dead-set against Others.

Jack:      People don’t know what they’re getting into when they sign those contracts.  They’re signing their souls away.  They don’t realize that they’re putting themselves in the hands of murderers—

Royce:  I find this offensive.  Must we listen to his rumor mongering?

Arnold: I told you having him here was a bad idea.  You were the one who wanted everyone to hear both sides of the argument.  Creepy leech.

Royce:  I didn’t imagine he’d be this unpleasant to deal with.

Shiarra: As much as I dislike the vampire, I’m kinda with him on this one.  Royce may have been a manipulative asshole, but he never really tried to kill me.  Neither have most of the other supernaturals that I’ve met who actually follow the law.

Royce:  Charming, Ms. Waynest, to know you think so highly of me.  Unfortunate you don’t feel the need to grant me the liberties our contract allows me.  You might change your mind . . .

Shiarra: Oh, ew.  A thousand times, no.

Jack:      Stay away from the girl, monster!

Chaz:     Watch it, leech.  Stay away from my girlfriend.

Royce:  The offer stands, if you ever change your mind.

Shiarra: Yeah, that’ll be around the tenth of never.

Royce:  Give it time, Ms. Waynest. I can wait.

______________

What do you think? Would you rather sign a contract with a vampire or a werewolf?

If you’ve never heard of my books and want more info, head to the main page of my website for news on the latest deals, the reading order, etc. Or you can support more of this silliness by buying ‘em now!

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Friday Funnies – The H&W Gang Discuss Shiarra’s Hard Knock Life

H&W Covers

I’ve decided to revamp the Friday Funnies and re-post the guest posts I’ve written for blog tours and such. I may sneak in a few new ones here and there. Since some of the blogs I originally wrote these for have disappeared I thought it might be a good idea to save and re-share the posts here.

I’m sure if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably familiar with my characters by now, so I’ll save you the chore of reading through my intros. For anyone who stumbles across this who is not familiar, basic info on the characters can be found here, a funnier idea of who they are (in GIFs) can be found here, and a book list/buy links can be found here. All character interviews will be tagged that way so they’re easy to find on the blog.

Now–on with the shenanigans! Shiarra is going to tell you a little bit about how tough things have been for her lately, and how she’s been coping. Over to you, Shia!

______________

Shiarra: What part of my messed up life are we supposed to talk about this time?

Sara: The possibilities are endless.

Shiarra: That’s not very funny.

Arnold: You can’t deny your life has turned into a train wreck.

Shiarra: You’re not helping.

Royce: Your tendency to draw the ire of creatures capable of destroying or eating you appears to be your most prominent character flaw.

Chaz: Leave her alone.

Shiarra: Okay, first—Chaz, stay out of this.

Chaz: I’m just trying to help!

Shiarra: I don’t want your help. Second, Royce, are you even close to serious? If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be in half the messes I’ve gotten into lately.

Royce: I am very serious. Even I have given some thought to draining you dry every now and again.

Sara: Because that isn’t at all creepy or threatening.

Shiarra: No kidding.

Arnold: What do you expect? He’s a vampire. He’s supposed to act like some melodramatic, broody creature of the night. “Oh, woe! Should I or shouldn’t I eat her face? Woe, woe betide!”

Royce: Yes, because a mage understands so very well what it is to be a “melodramatic, broody creature of the night.”

Arnold: I try.

Chaz: Not all Others eat people. None of the Sunstrikers have ever done that.

Shiarra: Um. What about that one time . . .

Chaz: Does that count?

Sara: Yes.

Chaz: Oh. Never mind, then.

Shiarra: My. How comforting. My boyfri—ex-boyfriend may or may not have eaten people before.

Arnold: Soylent Green is people!

Sara: Bad comedic timing, honey. Too soon.

Arnold: . . . sorry.

Shiarra: Anyone have a paper bag for me to hyperventilate into?

Chaz: Oh, come on. It’s not like you haven’t been around worse.

Royce: Perhaps it has escaped your notice, but she does not have the tolerance for violence and bloodshed that we do.

Sara: You would think that someone who dated her for months would have figured out that she’s afraid of seeing someone get a paper cut, let alone someone getting torn to bits.

Chaz: Hey. Down in front. Shut it.

Sara: Yeah, yeah.

Chaz: We’re not violent unless provoked.

Royce: Don’t make claims to things you can’t be certain are true, dog.

Chaz: I am certain, dead man.

Royce: Are you, now?

Shiarra: Stop it, you two. If you want to fight, wait until the interview is over.

Arnold: Hey, we’re Others. We’re not supposed to get along.

Shiarra: Not. Helping.

Royce: I do apologize for distressing you, Ms. Waynest. Perhaps you’ll give me the opportunity to make it up to you later . . .

Chaz: Watch it, leech.

Royce: Oh, I do have my eye on the prize, boy.

Sara: That is not a happy thought.

Shiarra: Don’t talk about me like I’m an object.

Royce: No offense intended.

Chaz: Yeah, right. You meant every word.

Royce: Even if I did, it’s not your concern.

Shiarra: Do I have to do something to defend my own honor here?

Arnold: Pistols at dawn!

Shiarra: . . . aside from that?

Royce: Not at all.

Chaz: I’ll defend you.

Shiarra: Whatever. You guys can go beat each other to a pulp in a back alley somewhere. I’m going to go see if there’s anything left of H&W Investigations to salvage. The business doesn’t run itself, you know.

Sara: I’ll go with you.

Arnold: Can I come?

Sara: Of course you can.

Royce: I will accompany you as well.

Shiarra: Forget about it.

Royce: Not to worry, Ms. Waynest. I’ll keep my fangs to myself.

Chaz: No way. If he goes, I go.

Shiarra: Somebody do something about these two? Please?

Arnold: I can probably whip up a spell to repel vampires and werewolves. Give me a day or two.

Shiarra: Time I don’t have. I guess I’ll just have to put up with them for now.

Royce: That’s more than enough time for me to change your mind. I guarantee it.

Chaz: We’ll see about that.

______________

If you’ve never heard of my books and want more info, head to the main page of my website for news on the latest deals, the reading order, etc. Or you can support more of this silliness by buying ‘em now!

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2014 Tampa Indie Mash-Up Convention Recap and Giveaway

A few days ago, I went to a local convention/signing here in the Tampa Bay area. On Friday, I swung by the hotel to meet with my bud, Stella, did some mingling, and got to meet a few of the other attending authors.

Tampa Indie Mash-Up Paranormal Panel - As You Can See, Everyone (Left to Right: Stella Price, Julie Morgan, Tawdra Kandle and Vella Day) Takes Things Very Seriously Here
Tampa Indie Mash-Up Paranormal Panel – As You Can See, Everyone (Left to Right: Stella Price, Julie Morgan, Tawdra Kandle and Vella Day) Takes Things Very Seriously Here

The official signing was on Saturday afternoon. There were quite a few authors in attendance, and I’ll admit to being surprised how many readers wanted me to sign their Kindles instead of physical copies of books. As you can see, it was pretty busy.

Tampa Indie Mash-Up Book Signing
Tampa Indie Mash-Up Book Signing
Tampa Indie Mash-Up Book Signing
Tampa Indie Mash-Up Book Signing

After the signing, a bunch of us got together to play Cards Against Humanity. We had a few readers and authors filtering in and out throughout the game, but I have to give a shout-out to Stella Price for bringing the cards, Flower (cover model Mike Gunn) for being such a good sport and hilarious to boot, and Julie Morgan, Vella Day, Nicky Jayne, and the other Cards Against Humanity players for being my new favorite horrible people.

A Rousing After Party Game of Cards Against Humanity
A Rousing After Party Game of Cards Against Humanity
This is Mike Gunn (aka Flower) Getting His SRS BZNZ Face On For Cards Against Humanity
This is Mike Gunn (aka Flower) Getting His SRS BZNZ Face On For Cards Against Humanity
Me, Mike Gunn and Julie Morgan - Don't We Look Cute?!
Me, Mike Gunn and Julie Morgan – Don’t We Look Cute?!

If you’re not familiar with Cards Against Humanity, check this out.

And, of course, what would my recap posts be without a giveaway?

About That Giveaway…

If you couldn’t make it to the convention, I have a giveaway of signed books, some ebooks not listed here, as well as promo and swag just for you!

Tampa Indie Mash-Up Giveaway Prizes
Tampa Indie Mash-Up Giveaway Prizes

This is all thanks to the generosity of the authors and cover model listed below (and me, of course!). Please be sure to visit the following authors on Facebook and Twitter (and buy their books!) to thank them for playing along:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

(Unfortunately, as costs of shipping outside the U.S. are prohibitive, this giveaway is U.S. only.)

Please be kind, pay it forward, and tell your friends who couldn’t make it to the con about this giveaway so they can play along at home, too!

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Friday Funnies – It’s In The Blood

H&W Covers

I’ve decided to revamp the Friday Funnies and re-post the guest posts I’ve written for blog tours and such. I may sneak in a few new ones here and there. Since some of the blogs I originally wrote these for have disappeared I thought it might be a good idea to save and re-share the posts here.

I’m sure if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably familiar with my characters by now, so I’ll save you the chore of reading through my intros. For anyone who stumbles across this who is not familiar, basic info on the characters can be found here, a funnier idea of who they are (in GIFs) can be found here, and a book list/buy links can be found here. All character interviews will be tagged that way so they’re easy to find on the blog.

Now–on with the shenanigans! In Taken by the Others, Shiarra finds out what it’s like to be bound to a vampire. Seeing as there has been a great deal of talk lately about Shia and Royce, today she’s going to tell you a little about what it was like to be bound to Royce. Over to you, Shia!

______________

Shiarra:  Could we pick a more awkward subject?  Yeesh.

Chaz:  I’d rather we talk about anything else.  Skinning my own fur off, for example.

Royce:  Such dramatics.  Was it really so terrible?

Shiarra:  Don’t play the innocent. You know it was.

Chaz:  At least with Weres, you don’t have to worry about whether you’re able to be your own person anymore if you get bitten.  You have to answer to the alpha and any dominant Weres, but once you’re one of us, you’re part of the family. Not a puppet.

Shiarra:  I’m not sure if that’s much better, honey.

Royce:  Don’t let his statements mislead you.  Any dominant wolf with a grudge or taken in a momentary fury might kill you by accident.  I find death to be a waste. You can rest assured that any life taken by my hand is done so deliberately.

Shiarra:  Do you listen to yourself?  “Hi, my name is Creepy McCreepypants, and I’m going to talk about your eternal servitude today. Or your death. You know, whichever sounds creepier.”

Chaz:  Heh.

Royce:  That thing you did with your hand was not necessary.

Chaz:  Oh, I don’t know.  I think it gave her statement just the right amount of dramatic flair.

Shiarra:  I try.

Royce:  Ms. Waynest, perhaps you’d prefer to illuminate your beloved and the rest of the audience as to just what it was like being at my beck and call.  I’d like to remind you that I never once took advantage of your charms, or caused you any harm while you were in my care.

Shiarra:  Hey, guess what?  That was the most stressful and traumatic event of my life.  I’m not interested in taking a trip down Memory Lane, so back off, you fu—

Chaz: Ahem!

Shiarra: Err.

Royce:  Yes, because I was so terribly cruel to you, saving you from potentially being drawn to the side of my rival, Max Carlyle, sheltering you, and respecting your wish to remain unsullied by my hands.

Shiarra:  And gloating at my situation and lack of choice in the matter wasn’t an issue, oh-h-h-h-h, no.

Royce:  Are you telling me I’m not allowed to be pleased when I have drawn a new member into my fold?

Chaz:  Not when you’re talking about my girlfriend, leech.  She’s not yours, so back the hell off.

Royce:  Try me, wolf.  If she’ll let you off your leash, I’ll delight in the opportunity to impart some lessons on what it really means to be an alpha.

Chaz:  Why, you son of a—

Shiarra:  Chaz.  Don’t take his bait, he just wants to stir up a fight.

Royce:  Am I that transparent?

Shiarra:  I really don’t like that sarcastic tone of yours.

Royce:  And I don’t like how you won’t open your eyes enough to see that I have never deliberately caused you any harm, nor have I done anything to deserve your unkind words.  I’ve done nothing but aid you in your time of need.

Chaz:  Nothing but make her into an unthinking marionette so you could pull her strings.

Shiarra:  You haven’t got a clue what that was like.  I couldn’t think of anything but you.  Every thought was about what I could do to please you, to get closer, to be a better servant—I had no desire but to be around a . . . a thing that drinks blood and can’t stand sunlight.  You want me to thank you for that?  Please.

Royce:  Would you have preferred to have continued feeling that way for Max?  To have him draw you back to his side so that he could kill you out of hand, or perhaps first make you betray your friends and family—even that mangy cur at your side?

Chaz:  Hey!  My coat is thick and lustrous.  I’ll have you know my pack has some of the best grooming habits in the state.

Shiarra:  . . .

Royce:  . . .

Chaz:  What?  It’s true.

Royce:  Ahem.  Back on topic.  So, Ms. Waynest, let’s hear it.

Shiarra:  No, you didn’t mistreat or hurt me.  Yes, you could have done worse.  No, I wouldn’t have wanted to go back to Max’s side.  But you’re still a weird, scary, creepy, unnatural—

Royce:  Desirable, dangerous, sexy predator.  Yes, yes, I know.

Chaz:  Modest, too, I see.

Shiarra:  I was going to say walking corpse, but whatever.

Royce:  You wanted me before the bond, and you still want me now.  When you tire of your dog, you know where to find me.

Shiarra:  Keep dreaming, you sicko.

Royce:  I have eternity to wait, Ms. Waynest.  When the tide changes, and the going gets rough, we’ll see who remains by your side—and who you turn to for help.

Shiarra:  Hello, and welcome to my nightmare. Ugh.

______________

If you’ve never heard of my books and want more info, head to the main page of my website for news on the latest deals, the reading order, etc. Or you can support more of this silliness by buying ‘em now!

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Friday Funnies – Shiarra Waynest Talks About Exercise

H&W Covers

I’ve decided to revamp the Friday Funnies and re-post the guest posts I’ve written for blog tours and such. I may sneak in a few new ones here and there. Since some of the blogs I originally wrote these for have disappeared I thought it might be a good idea to save and re-share the posts here.

I’m sure if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably familiar with my characters by now, so I’ll save you the chore of reading through my intros. For anyone who stumbles across this who is not familiar, basic info on the characters can be found here, a funnier idea of who they are (in GIFs) can be found here, and a book list/buy links can be found here. All character interviews will be tagged that way so they’re easy to find on the blog.

Now–on with the shenanigans! Shiarra is going to tell you a little bit about exercise regimen and how she stays fit and healthy  Over to you, Shia!

______________

Shiarra:  Staying fit is an important aspect of how one runs the hell away from anything with fur or fangs.

Chaz:  What?  You don’t run away from me.

Shiarra: Oh, honey, you know you don’t count.

Royce:  I don’t see why not.  He’s far more dangerous than I am.

Arnold:  Vamps and Weres are both pretty dangerous. It’s like comparing poisonous spiders and snakes. Doesn’t matter which kind bites you, if one latches on, you’re still pretty screwed.

Chaz:  The difference is that she likes it when I bite her.

Shiarra:  CHAZ!

Sara: Ew.

Royce: If she’d give me the opportunity to show her, I’m sure she’d enjoy her time with me just as much—if not more.

Shiarra:  You know what?  You’re both pervs.

Arnold:  I’m with Shia on this one.  Let’s get back on topic.

Chaz:  I’m not sure that there’s much to say. Shia doesn’t have the benefit of supernatural strength or speed.  If one of us was really after her, she wouldn’t stand a chance.

Shiarra:  . . .

Royce:  Not to worry, Ms. Waynest.  Unlike some of those present, I am not an unthinking beast who would run you to ground like some food animal . . . Hmm. Actually, on second thought . . .

Shiarra:  Oh. My. God.

Chaz:  Don’t listen to that leech. I’ll protect you.

Sara:  AHEM.  I like pilates.

Shiarra:  I think I’m going to barf.

Arnold:  I’m just going to wait outside—

Sara:  Yoga.  Let’s talk about that.  Or something else.  Anything else.  Oh, ew.

Chaz:  I hear you chicks like belly dancing.  It’s really good for the . . . uh . . . abs.  Circulation.  Yeah.

Shiarra:  Running.  Running away is good.

Royce:  Gets the heart pumping . . . fills the blood with adrenaline and endorphins . . .

Shiarra:  Hey!  HEY!  Put those fangs away, buddy!

Arnold:  I’m not much of a runner.

Sara:  I bet even an Olympic runner would have a bitch of a time getting away from a werewolf or a vampire coming after their ass.

Royce:  Considering some older vampires can move faster than human eyes can follow, yes, I imagine it would be quite impossible to escape us without a supernatural edge.

Chaz:  Yeah, but you’re not supposed to be chasing down people.  I’ve hunted down a few deer and elk, but—

Shiarra:  Oh, yuck, Chaz!  Come on!

Chaz:  What?!  I’m a werewolf, I do that.

Shiarra:  As long as you didn’t . . . didn’t eat it after . . . ugh.

Chaz:  Well, I . . . uh . . .

Sara:  Seriously?  That’s so nasty.

Chaz:  It tastes pretty good when you’re changed.

Royce:  Not nearly as good as the blood of a frightened human.  You failed to mention that part.

Shiarra:  Barf bag. Pass it.  Right now.

______________

If you’ve never heard of my books and want more info, head to the main page of my website for news on the latest deals, the reading order, etc. Or you can support more of this silliness by buying ‘em now!

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It’s Been A Long Trip, But I’m Finally Home!

As you probably already know, I drove up to North Carolina for the Authors After Dark convention in early August. What you might not know is that I didn’t come home until a few short days ago.

I don’t want to go into detail, but I did spend a few weeks in New York and New Jersey visiting with friends and family. My mom flew up to New York at the end of the month for a wedding (and a huge congrats and all my love to the newlyweds!) and then we drove back to Florida together.

While I’m going to keep my family matters private, I thought some of you might enjoy a few of the pictures I took while I was in Virginia.

These are from the Luray Caverns:

Luray Caverns
Luray Caverns
Luray Caverns
Luray Caverns
Luray Caverns
Luray Caverns
Luray Caverns
Luray Caverns
Luray Caverns
Luray Caverns
Luray Caverns
Luray Caverns

And here’s a small sampling of pics I took on the Skyline Drive in Shenandoah National Park:

Skyline Drive
Skyline Drive
Skyline Drive
Skyline Drive
Skyline Drive
Skyline Drive
Skyline Drive
Skyline Drive
Skyline Drive
Skyline Drive
Skyline Drive
Skyline Drive
Skyline Drive
Skyline Drive

Hope you enjoyed my pics! Back to bookish matters in the next post…

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Friday Funnies – Shiarra Waynest Talks About New York City

H&W Covers

I’ve decided to revamp the Friday Funnies and re-post the guest posts I’ve written for blog tours and such. I may sneak in a few new ones here and there. Since some of the blogs I originally wrote these for have disappeared I thought it might be a good idea to save and re-share the posts here.

I’m sure if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably familiar with my characters by now, so I’ll save you the chore of reading through my intros. For anyone who stumbles across this who is not familiar, basic info on the characters can be found here, a funnier idea of who they are (in GIFs) can be found here, and a book list/buy links can be found here. All character interviews will be tagged that way so they’re easy to find on the blog.

Now–on with the shenanigans! Shiarra is going to tell you a little bit about the sexy, dark, and deadly underbelly of New York City.  Over to you, Shia!

______________

Shiarra:  Uhm.  It’s not that sexy.

Royce:  I beg to differ.

Chaz:  Yes, because undead creatures who suck your blood are, oh, so hot.

Arnold: I feel like the voices of thousands of fangirls suddenly cried out—

Shiarra:  Oh, please.

Royce:  Since we are talking more about my turf than Ms. Waynest’s, I’d like to take this opportunity to—

Shiarra:  No.  Just… no.  This is not a forum for you to start advertising your businesses. Besides, New York City kinda sucks.  It’s overcrowded, way too hot in the summer, way too cold in the winter, and smells funny.  The only thing it has going for it are some landmarks, shows, museums, and a few nice restaurants.

Arnold:  The coffee can’t be beat, though.

Chaz:  The pizza, either.

Royce:  Oh, I’m more a fan of the entertainment options, personally.

Shiarra:  Yeah, we kind of figured that out, considering you’re the only one here who doesn’t—you know—eat.

Royce:  The food isn’t the only thing tasty in this town, Ms. Waynest.

Shiarra:  What? . . . oh. Oh, ew!  Sicko!

Chaz:  Forget about him. I’ll take you somewhere nice after this.  We’ll go out to the pier on Montauk and we can grab a bite to eat after. There’s this great little crab shack—

Royce:  Because that’s, oh, so much better than going to Le Petite Boisson, where every French culinary delight imaginable is available to tease and tantalize your taste buds, all while being serenaded by fine music and surrounded by lovers dancing by candlelight.

Shiarra:  Yes.  It is, oh, so much better.  There aren’t things with sharp pointy teeth lusting after my blood hanging out there.

Arnold: Actually, Shia, I’ve been there and I have to say, the food is amazing.

Shiarra:  Wait, what?  Arnold!

Royce:  It’s true. We do have an excellent Zagat rating.

Chaz:  Nobody cares.

Royce:  Quiet, cur. Perhaps you’d prefer something a little darker.  Twisted Temptations might be more to your liking.

Shiarra:  . . . I don’t even want to know what that is.

Arnold:  It’s not as bad as he makes it sound.  Even with that creepy lispy thing he does with the fangs.

Royce:  Excuse me?  I don’t lisp.

Chaz: Actually, when your fangs are out, you do a little.  Really adds to that “sexy” vampire vibe you’ve got going there.  Heh.

Shiarra: Honey?  Just so you know, the only thing that kept me from doubting your heterosexuality for a second there were the air quotes.

Royce:  Oh, I wasn’t referring to him when I made the offer, Ms. Waynest, I’d be happy to give you a personal tour of the facilities—

Chaz:  HEY!  Stay the hell away from my girlfriend!

Arnold:  You know, the vamps aren’t the only ones who own nightclubs in this town.

Shiarra: I’m not sure if a bunch of mage-run restaurants are any better.  What if it’s all Alice In Wonderland-y and I turn into a frog after eating something?  I’m not willing to take that chance.

Arnold:  Wait, what?  You won’t—I don’t even . . .

Chaz:  Does that happen?

Royce:  I hate to be the one to point this out, but not only are you mixing your lore, you’ve essentially just broadcast your intolerance to the entire audience.

Shiarra:  What?  I—wait, what?  I—oh.  Oh.  Oh, Arnold, I mean—I—I didn’t mean—oh, my God, I am so sorry!

Arnold:  I . . . you . . .

Shiarra:  SO sorry!

Chaz:  . . . what?  Why are you—

Shiarra:  Chaz!  Say you’re sorry!

Chaz:  I’m . . . sorry?

Arnold:  You know, I think we’re done here.

Shiarra:  God, yes.

Chaz:  . . . what?

Royce:  So, kids, come on down to Twisted Temp—

Shiarra:  STOP.  Just… stop.  And stop smiling while you say that!

Royce:  I always smile like this.

Chaz:  We know.

______________

If you’ve never heard of my books and want more info, head to the main page of my website for news on the latest deals, the reading order, etc. Or you can support more of this silliness by buying ‘em now!

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Friday Funnies – The H&W Gang Talk About Summer Camp

H&W Covers

I’ve decided to revamp the Friday Funnies and re-post the guest posts I’ve written for blog tours and such. I may sneak in a few new ones here and there. Since some of the blogs I originally wrote these for have disappeared I thought it might be a good idea to save and re-share the posts here.

I’m sure if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably familiar with my characters by now, so I’ll save you the chore of reading through my intros. For anyone who stumbles across this who is not familiar, basic info on the characters can be found here, a funnier idea of who they are (in GIFs) can be found here, and a book list/buy links can be found here. All character interviews will be tagged that way so they’re easy to find on the blog.

Now–on with the shenanigans! The H&W Investigations team are going to discuss their memories of summer camp. Take it away, guys!

______________

Shiarra:  I remember the first time I went to summer camp. I was covered in ticks by the end of the first day.

Sara:  Eww, yuck! I never went to that kind of summer camp. It was always ballet or painting or deportment classes for me.

Arnold:  Your parents didn’t know anything about you, did they?

Sara: Not really. They were both business professionals and didn’t have a lot of time for me or my sister.

Chaz: My dad tried to get me into one of those sports camps once, but when I started showing signs of turning Were, he had to pull me out.

Royce:  We never had such a thing when I was a teen. Most of my summers were spent tending crops.

Shiarra: You? A farmer?

Royce:  Is it that hard to believe?

Arnold:  Never took you for the type to get your hands dirty. Not that way, anyway.

Chaz:  He probably wouldn’t now.  These days, I bet you couldn’t get him to touch a potted plant with those manicured hands of his.

Royce:  At least I wouldn’t piss on the ornamental tree in the corner to mark my territory.

Chaz:  HEY—

Shiarra: Boys, boys, boys!  Enough!

Sara:  We’re supposed to be talking summer camp, not snarking at each other.

Arnold:  Vampires and werewolves. Cats and dogs. Need I say more?

Chaz: Nobody asked your opinion, sparky.

Arnold: Hey, you don’t like being called a dog, I don’t like being called a spark. We clear?

Chaz:  Yeah, yeah.

Shiarra:  Now. Summer camp. Ahem.

Sara:  I always wanted to tell ghost stories around a fire. Never got to do that as a kid.

Arnold: It’s overrated. Those stories never scared me.

Shiarra:  S’mores are pretty good, though.

Royce:  S’mores?

Shiarra:  I keep forgetting you never would have tried modern food. That’s a real tragedy. S’mores are these godly little finger foods you make by the campfire. Toasted graham crackers, chocolate, and marshmallows.

Sara: Oh, man. Now I’m craving some.

Royce: I can eat small amounts of food, but I don’t know that they taste the same to me as they do to you. Nor do I get any nutrition out of it.

Arnold: My, I feel so educated and enriched. My day is complete.

Royce: I don’t appreciate your sarcasm, mage.

Sara: Well, I didn’t know, so I don’t mind. It’s not like vampires talk about this kind of stuff every day.

Shiarra: It’s sorta gross if you think about it. I mean . . . where does it go?

Sara:  Um.

Chaz: What?

Royce:  I’m not quite sure I understand what you’re asking.

Arnold:  Do we really want to understand what she’s asking?

Shiarra:  Oh, shush. Royce, you said you don’t get any nutrition out of it, right? I mean, vampires drink blood. Duh. So . . . uh . . . what does your body do with it?

Royce:  That’s not exactly a conversation for polite company, Ms. Waynest.

Arnold: Okay. Campfire story material right there.

Chaz: Yeah, I’m with you on that. Ugh.

Sara: Nightmare material. I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep tonight.

Shiarra:  Sorry. Sometimes my mind wanders to weird places. It’s like that thing with hotdogs and hotdog buns.

Chaz:  You lost me.

Arnold: Me too.

Shiarra:  Oh, come on, you know that old mystery about why hotdogs come in packs of ten and buns come in packs of eight? Didn’t you guys ever wonder that when you were sitting around the fire at summer camp?

Sara:  Oh, yeah. Why is that?

Arnold:  Beats me.

Chaz:  I never noticed.

Royce:  You people think about the strangest things.

Chaz:  Not “you people”.  Maybe they do.

Sara:  I don’t mind being considered a “you people”. I’d rather think about weird stuff than never question anything about my environment.

Shiarra:  The down side to that is a complete inability to turn off the questions that should probably never be asked.

Sara:  Amen to that.

Chaz: How come you never asked me anything about what it’s like being a werewolf, then?

Shiarra:  Probably because I never had the chance to after I found out. With all the weird crap going on and you lying to me all the time, I didn’t exactly trust you to tell me anything about yourself or your pack.

Arnold:  Burn.

Chaz:  Stay out of this!

Arnold:  Hey, just sayin’.

Royce: Werewolves are a shifty lot. Better not to put your trust into them.

Sara:  Ha! I see what you did there.

Shiarra:  Hehe. That was pretty clever.

Chaz:  Oh, yeah. Laugh at the vampire’s jokes. Just wait. He’ll turn on you. Walking corpses always do.

______________

Err, right. As you can see, these guys probably wouldn’t do so great sharing a bunch of s’mores around a campfire together. Did you ever go to summer camp and share  stories around a campfire? What were your favorite scary stories as a kid?

If you’ve never heard of my books and want more info, head to the main page of my website for news on the latest deals, the reading order, etc. Or you can support more of this silliness by buying ‘em now!

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