I’ve decided to revamp the Friday Funnies and re-post the guest posts I’ve written for blog tours and such. I may sneak in a few new ones here and there. Since some of the blogs I originally wrote these for have disappeared I thought it might be a good idea to save and re-share the posts here.
I’m sure if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably familiar with my characters by now, so I’ll save you the chore of reading through my intros. For anyone who stumbles across this who is not familiar, basic info on the characters can be found here, a funnier idea of who they are (in GIFs) can be found here, and a book list/buy links can be found here. All character interviews will be tagged that way so they’re easy to find on the blog.
Now–on with the shenanigans! This post was originally for a themed event involving urban legends. On that note, Shiarra and some of her friends are here to tell you a little bit about butt spiders. Over to you, Shia!
Shiarra: …uhh. What?
Arnold: I’ve heard of these! They hide under your toilet seat and jump out to bite you on the ass when you sit down.
Chaz: Oh, yeah. I remember hearing about these. They’re creepier than camel spiders.
Shiarra: Camel spiders? What?
Royce: Don’t listen to those two. The information about the spiders hiding under toilet seats was false.
Arnold: Whoa. I just had a thought. What if it was a camel spider hiding under the toilet seat?
Chaz: Dude. Epic.
Shiarra: I still don’t get what you guys are talking about. Why are they called camel spiders?
Royce: I presume because they live in the desert, much like their namesake.
Chaz: I thought it was because they’re practically the size of a camel.
Arnold: Oh, come on. They’re big, but they’re not that big.
Chaz: That’s what your mom said last night.
Arnold: That’s what your mom’s face said. Burn!
Royce: Ms. Waynest, explain to me one more time why you spend time with these ingrates?
Shiarra: It’s a mystery for the ages.
Arnold: That wasn’t very nice.
Shiarra: Yeah, well, you guys are talking about spiders. It’s gross.
Chaz: I heard a camel spider killed a dog once.
Royce: I find that doubtful. Most species of camel spider are not actually venomous.
Shiarra: How do you know so much about spiders? Wouldn’t think you’d be worried about being bitten by them, being all undead and stuff.
Royce: Some of the people in my office delight in forwarding me email chain letters.
Arnold: Wow, really?
Royce: Yes. Unfortunately.
Arnold: That was how I heard about the spiders hiding under toilet seats. Apparently, the original email was a hoax, but there’s a real type of poisonous spider in Australia that does like to hide under toilet seats.
Chaz: I’m not surprised. Australia seems to be where most of the poisonous and deadly crap in the animal kingdom comes from.
Arnold: Want to hear something really scary?
Royce: I doubt it will be that frightening, but go on.
Arnold: I once heard that someone found a giant spider on their toilet paper roll. It nearly bit their hand off.
Shiarra: Oh, please. I’ll believe in butt spiders before I believe in that.
Royce: That is a truly silly name for a spider.
Shiarra: Whatever. I’m out of here. I need to go buy every can of Raid I can find.
Chaz: Heh. Butt spider.
Have you heard any weird, scary, or silly stories involving spiders?
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