Monthly Archives: July 2012

Clearing Off My Bookshelves

I’m sure some of you have seen the picture of what my book stack on the dresser in my room looks like.

That’s not even scratching the surface of my collection at the moment. I have a book case full of double-stacked paperbacks in the living room, more on the floor of my bedroom, some in the storage shed out in the back, and a few tucked away in weird places.
Don’t mistake this for bibliomania. Many of these books are ones I fully intend to read, or have already read. I used to regularly go through the collection to get rid of the ones I knew I would never read or just didn’t care for that much, but due to my wacky schedule, it’s been at least three years since the last time I did that. Since I’ve been on a spring cleaning binge the last week or so, I’ve gotten rid of clothes, papers, old magazines, and now I’m tackling the books–and the task is pretty scary to confront at the moment.

What do you do when your bibliophilic tendencies drive you to clear off your bookshelves? How do you decide which books to keep?
Right now, I’ve been going through and picking out the ones that I recall right off that I didn’t like or I know I will definitely never read again. They aren’t necessarily bad books, they are just books I don’t feel strongly enough about to hold on to anymore. Space is at a premium in my house right now, and I find it’s a freeing experience to get rid of “deadweight”.

As far as the books I haven’t read yet, I’m thinking of putting in some kind of (physical, not electronic) organizational system so I know what books I need to read, what books I need to review, and what books I can toss in the pile to get rid of. Should I sort them alphabetically? Should I keep the review books on the bookshelf in the living room instead of my favorites, or should I keep them on my desk? Not that any of this is anything you guys can answer, necessarily, I’m just ruminating on what I need to do and how to go about it.

So, tell me, what do you do with books you no longer want? Take them to a used book store to trade them in? Sell them on eBay? Donate them to a library? Make book art out of them?

Posted in Reading | Tagged , , | 6 Comments

Friday Funnies — David’s Breakdown of What it Was Like to Watch Twilight: the Movie

Thanks to all the recent KStew drama, I thought it might be a good time to revisit an old favorite. This was written by my friend, David, who gets all the props for writing this hilarity. When you see inserts of names of people who are not characters in the movie, yes, that is what actually happened/was said when we went to see Twilight in the theater. Yes, this is what happens when the Sunday Night Movie Madness crowd gets together to MST a movie.

David’s Breakdown of What it Was Like
for the Sunday Night Movie Madness Crowd
to Watch Twilight: the Movie

Opening: BAMBI. Only take out the bullet and replace it with a dude attack-hugging a dear.

Bella: I’m moving back to my dads place in Washington state who I haven’t seen in forever and don’t really get along with because my mom is dating this awesome guy who I get along with and I absolutely must GET AWAY FROM THEM.

Bella’s Dad: I’m the most awesome guy in this movie. Seriously, I fucking rock.

Bella: WahwahwahImissArizonawahwahwah.

Bella’s Dad: Maybe this’ll shut her up. Here, have a truck I just bought from this cool indian in a wheelchair and his son who automatically has a crush on you just like EVERY OTHER DUDE IN THIS MOVIE BESIDES ME.

Teenagers at Bella’s new highschool: WE’RE ANNOYING, HOW ARE YOU?!?!?!?

Bella’s female friends: WE ARE SO TYPICALLY FEMALE TEENAGERS IT MAKES YOU HEMORRHAGE, LIKE, OMIGAWD.

Edward: As I’m introduced I’m described as, I quote, “Like, way hot, obviously,” But my face looks like I spent my childhood rediscovering the sliding glass door, over and over.

Bella: OMG I WANT TO BONE HIM RAW

Audience: Wait. What? I mean… look at him.

Exposition Teens: That’s the vampir– I mean Cullens family. They never show up in the daylight and they have graduated high school about a dozen times but we totally know they’re not vampires.

Bella in Biology next to the fan: ::rips one::. Omg, why did he just cover his nose? Do I stink? Why is he edging away from me?! WRYYYYYYYYY?!

Edward: I must do everything in my power to alienate this woman I don’t know.

Bella: I must do everything in my power to find out everything about Edward, even though I’ve only seen him once in Biology.

Edward, after a week of absence from school: I must do everything in my power to get the sexual tension as high as I can so that my balls will burst forth and strangle me, and I shall do this with incredibly awkward dialogue and cringe-worthy one-lines.

Bella: WahwahwahIdon’tknowwhattomakeoftheVampi–ImeanEdwardwahwahwah.

Bella’s Dad: Still awesome.

Bella: Thanks for being awesome.

Black dude at school: I’M GUNNA DO 55 IN AN ICE SLICK PARKING LOT! THIS IS A GREAT IDEA I BET NOTHING CAN GO WRONG!

Bella: IMPENDING DOO–

Edward: I just palmed a fucking Van for you. You so owe me sucky sucky. ::ninja vanish!::

Black guy in van: Bella! I’m so sorry! Who could’ve foreseen a teen driver going obscenely fast in a high school parking lot having an accident!

Bella: OMGwhere’dhegoIwantinhispants.

Bella’s dad: I’m being protective of my daughter in a completely awesome and slightly comical way.

David: Wow, that’s the only thing in the movie I laughed at that the director wanted me to laugh at.

Vampire Dad: HELLO WORLD!

AudienceespeciallyDavid: snicker/snort/sputter.

Vampire Dad: Even though my introduction made me seem like The Master Race dude from the Producers, I’m actually kinda cool and the only other person in the movie that is likeable. By the way, you might have post traumatic stress disorder from not being hit by the car.

David: Soo…if I don’t get hit by a car I might go crazy?

Bella: Soo…if I don’t get hit by a car I might go crazy?

Vampire Dad, Edward and permanently On the Rag Vampire: Mumble mumble, Yeah yeah, Secrets, mumble mumble.

Audience: WE GET IT. YOU’RE VAMPIRES. WOOHOO. GET ON WITH THE BLOODSUCKING.

Bella: Eeaaaaavesdrooooop. Ohshit I’m spotted standing out in the open! Shit!

Edward: You heard nothing.

Bella: You palmed the van.

Edward: You saw nothing.

Bella: The police lifted your fingerprints!

Edward: Doesn’t prove anything, silly woman.

Bella: THE CAMPUS SECURITY CAMERAS CAUGHT IT!

Edward: Look, you didn’t get hit by a car, you must be crazy.

Bella: Wait, what?

Edward: Buh-BYE!

Bella: Wait! I’m HORNY!

Edward: ANGST ANGST ANGST.

The School in general: THERE’S THE MARY SUE LET’S ALL GO HANG OUT WITH HER AND VALUE HER OPINION

Idiot teenagers: Hey Sue, wanna go to the beach?

Bella: Not really.

I.T.: Too bad, you have to to advance the plot.

Bella: Well okay then. I guess while I’m at it I’ll invite Edward to further frustrate my loins.

Bella: You should come to the beach.

Edward: I thought you hated me.

Bella: Well, I do, but I think we should hang out.

Edward: How does that make sense?

Bella: LOOK I JUST READ THE SCRIPT GODDAMNIT.

Edward: Anyway, I can go to the beach because…. I’m. Allergic. To air. ::ninja vanish!::

Bella: I wish Edward were here at the beach.

Cool indian guy: How about you chill with the cool indian guy instead?

Bella: Sounds good. Lets walk down the beach.

Cool indian guy: So, exposition. The indians and the Cullen family have this truce because we found them drinking bloo–I mean hunting on our land. They keep off our land and we don’t sound off and what they really are… which I kinda just violated, huh?

Bella: What? I’m sorry, I missed those fucking ginormous hints you just dropped off and now I’m off to do a research montage.

Binah, David, Tommy: Even Rocky had a MONTAGE!

Edward: I know you know… say it. Say it so I can hear it.

Bella: …daddy?

Edward: What? No! Well, maybe later. But, say what I am!

Bella: Oh, vampire.

Edward: Louder!

Bella, in same monotonous voice: Vampire.

Edward: Yeah, whatever. Look, I get to show off! Super speed! Super Strength!

Edward: Super SPARKLES!

Bella: LET’S BONE!

Edward: I can’t! I’m a monster! Emoemoemoemoemoemoemoemoemo. I mean, I haven’t killed anyone is a century, I eat deer, I go to highschool! I’M THE WORST THING ALIVE! IT’S TORTURE! BEING PRETTY FOREVER! BEING A SEXY, SEXY GREEK GOD TRAPPED IN THE BODY OF A 17(sic) YEAR OLD MAN! OH MY GOD THE ANGST IS DRIPPING FROM THE SCREEEEEEN

Bella: OKAY! FUCK! Just, Jesus, woo me with you’re incredible ability to totally not look like you’re climbing a tree as you get Kung-fu wired up it.

Bella: Yay, piggyback!

Movie: Now to bore you a RELATIONSHIP MONTAGE! That lasts FOREVER!

Binah, David and Tommy: The montage song can only be referenced so many times during a single movie.

Movie: Still boring relationshiiiiip. Character building via Montage doesn’t quite wooooork.

David: Oh, something’s happening!

Edward: I like watching you sleep.

Binah: ::jerk-off pantomime::

Bella: That’s… sweet. In a really, really creepy way. Anyway, since you’re here, LET’S FUCK!

Edward: But, I’m a horrible monst–Are you not wearing pants?

Bella: YES.

Edward:… ‘Kay. ::THE MOST AWKWARD KISS EVER::

Bella: Why’d you just act like I’m a fucking grenade?

David: COCKBLOCK!

Edward: EMO! EMO! EMO! EMO! EMO! EMO! EM–

Bella: Jesus shit! Quick, to another relationship montage!

Binah: ::jerkoff::

Bella’s Dad: I just thought I’d compound my awesomeness by sitting at the dinner table and clean my shotguns.

Bella: Dad, my vamp– Boyfriend wants to meet you officially.

Bella’s Dad: ::ch-chk:: Bring him in.

Edward: Hello. I. Am. Very. Awkward.

Bella’s Dad: Still way more awesome than you and I only get like ten lines.

Edward: WE’RE GUNNA PLAY VAMPIRE BASEBALL!

Bella & Bella’s Dad: Huh?

Vampire family: W00T! BASEBALL!

David: Oddly enough, I am enjoying this immensely.

Vampire trio: HI! We’re the guys David forgot to mention up until this point but we’ve killed twwwwwooooo peoooooplllllle! We’re scaaaarrryyyy vampires! Boo!

Vampire asshat: HUMAN! I MUST EAT HER RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE IN FRONT OF SEVEN OTHER RIVAL VAMPIRES!

Vampire family: Well…. that resolved quickly.

Vampire dad: To reaffirm the awesome waves I’ve been giving off I’m going to help Edward protect his slutty girlfriend and subject my whole family, centuries in the making, to a war with a rival vampire group.

Permanently on the Rag Vampire: Why should I help her?

Vampire dad: Because I’m f–king awesome.

PotRV: … kay.

The shortest and most uneventful chase scene later.

Phone call.

Bella: Hello?

Asshat Vampire: Hello! I’ve got your mom and I’m gunna kill her unless you show up and let me kill you instead.

Bella: Sounds like a plan. My old ballet studio sound good?

Asshat: Sure does.

Bella: Mom? Oh, darn. Just an old video of–

Asshat: So now I’m gunna fiddle with you long enough for your boyfriend to arrive. I’ve even got a camera I stole from your house!

Bella: Mace n’ run!

Asshat: I’m a fucking vampire. ::punt::

David: ::wince:: okay. Props for actually kicking the lead actress into a pilla–

Asshat: ::STEP ON YOUR LEG AND BREAK YOUR FEMUR-FU!::

David: Dude! Awesome!

Asshat: Now time to eat! Noooom–

Edward: Me! to the rescue!

Asshat: You! Through a dozen mirrors!

Bella: Me! Stabbed with glass!

Edward: Okay, I’m done.

Asshat: ::owned!::

Bella: He bit me! I get to be a vampire! YAAAAAAYYYYY!

Vampire Dad: Quick, Edward, you have to make a choice. Either suck the venom out of her arm, make her frail and human, or you can let it do it’s magic and she can be pretty, young and immortal for all time. Plus you two could probably bone without all the fucking angst.

Edward: My choice is clear. ::suck::

David: Why? You guys can’t even fuck when she’s human because you’re afraid you’ll go all sex-bloodlust wild and fuck/eat the shit out of her… which now that I think about it, sounds like a good time.

Bella: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Probably the best scene in the whole movie is this one with no dialogue, with Edward sitting across from Bella’s dad, waiting for her to come downstairs.

Bella: I’m Hawt with this f–king cast and skimpy dress.

Edward: Let’s go, your dad intimidates me.

Bella: What? You could punch a hole through him.

Edward: I don’t wanna talk about it.

Bella’s Dad: Still awesome.

ANNOYING PROM W00: ANNOYING TEENS W00!

Bella: MAKE ME A VAMPIRE NOW WAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Edward: Kay!

Edward: …sike.

Belle: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The End.

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Mini Book Reviews — Playing Catch Up

I’ve been swamped with the blog tour and such, so I figured I would give you guys some rapid mini reviews to see some of what I’ve been reading lately.

Title: QUEENE OF LIGHT
Author:  Jennifer Armintrout
Genre: Fantasy
Series: Lightworld/Darkworld

Purchase: Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Book Depository

Back Cover Copy:

An unimagined destiny, an undeniable passion.

In a time not long from now, the veil between fantasy and reality is ripped asunder creatures of myth and fairytale spill into the mortal world. Enchanted yet horrified, humans force the magical beings Underground, to colonize the sewers and abandoned subway tunnels beneath their glittering cities.

But even magic folk cannot dwell in harmony and soon two Worlds emerge: the Lightworld, home to faeries, dragons and dwarves; and the Darkworld, where vampires, werewolves, angels and demons lurk.

Now, in the dank and shadowy place between Lightworld and Darkworld, a transformation is about to begin….

Ayla, a half-faery, half-human assassin is stalked by Malachi, a Death Angel tasked with harvesting mortal souls. They clash. Immortality evaporates, forging a bond neither may survive. And in the face of unbridled ambitions and untested loyalties, an ominous prophecy is revealed that will shake the Worlds.

My Review:

This book took me by surprise. It took me a couple of chapters to warm up to it, as the capitalization of certain words and language choice bugged me (e.g., adding “E” to the end of words that don’t normally have that letter, like “queene”), but once I got past that nit, I couldn’t put it down. The story is gripping, the characters and world-building fascinating, and the setup for the next two books has left me eager to continue the trilogy. I’ll give a more detailed review of all three books once I’ve finished the other two.

Rating: 4/5

Title: SOMETHING SECRET THIS WAY COMES
Author:  Sierra Dean
Genre: Urban Fantasy
Series: Secret McQueen

Purchase: Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Book Depository

Back Cover Copy:

Some secrets are dangerous. This Secret is deadly.

For Secret McQueen, her life feels like the punch line for a terrible joke. Abandoned at birth by her werewolf mother, hired as a teen by the vampire council of New York City to kill rogues, Secret is a part of both worlds, but belongs to neither. At twenty-two, she has carved out as close to a normal life as a bounty hunter can.

When an enemy from her past returns with her death on his mind, she is forced to call on every ounce of her mixed heritage to save herself—and everyone else in the city she calls home. As if the fate of the world wasn’t enough to deal with, there’s Lucas Rain, King of the East Coast werewolves, who seems to believe he and Secret are fated to be together. Too bad Secret also feels a connection with Desmond, Lucas’s second-in-command…

Warning: This book contains a sarcastic, kick-ass bounty hunter; a metaphysical love triangle with two sexy werewolves; a demanding vampire council; and a spicy seasoning of sex and violence.

My Review:

Once I managed to turn off a very cynical part of myself, this book was just plain fun. I’ll admit to rolling my eyes at the heroine’s name and herritage at first. My “oh, geez, a half-vampire, half-werewolf? Really?” knee-jerk reaction almost made me put the book down, but because Sierra has always been such a delight to talk to on Twitter, I pressed on–and I’m glad I did. The story and humor were great, even though I do feel the heroine came across as too Mary Sue-ish at the start, and occasionally throughout the rest of the book. I didn’t quite buy the soulmate/insta-lust stuff with the werewolves either, but I rarely do in any story, so that’s just a personal preference.

After a few chapters, the story hit its stride and the conflict between Secret’s dual natures became very interesting indeed. The ending surprised me, and despite how my reaction in the last paragraph might sound, I’m actually looking forward to picking up the next book to see where things go.

Rating: 3.5/5

Title: ATTIC CLOWNS: VOLUME 1
Author:  Jeremy C. Shipp
Genre: Horror
Series: Attic Clowns

Purchase: Amazon

Back Cover Copy:

This creepy collection features four twisted tales by Bram Stoker Award nominee Jeremy C. Shipp.

The stories include:
Giggles
Princess
Don’t Laugh
The Glass Box

My Review:

Creepy as hell. If you like reading surreal, scary stories, this book is a decent read. A collection of four short stories, each one has its own macabre charm. GIGGLES was my favorite (4.5/5), PRINCESS my least favorite (2/5), DON’T LAUGH was incredibly strange but compelling (3/5), and THE GLASS BOX was an entertaining but ultimately forgettable read (3/5).

Rating: 3/5

Title: WORLD WAR Z: AN ORAL HISTORY OF THE ZOMBIE WAR
Author:  Max Brooks
Genre: Horror
Series: N/A

Purchase: Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Book Depository

Back Cover Copy:

“The end was near.” —Voices from the Zombie War

The Zombie War came unthinkably close to eradicating humanity. Max Brooks, driven by the urgency of preserving the acid-etched first-hand experiences of the survivors from those apocalyptic years, traveled across the United States of America and throughout the world, from decimated cities that once teemed with upwards of thirty million souls to the most remote and inhospitable areas of the planet. He recorded the testimony of men, women, and sometimes children who came face-to-face with the living, or at least the undead, hell of that dreadful time. World War Z is the result. Never before have we had access to a document that so powerfully conveys the depth of fear and horror, and also the ineradicable spirit of resistance, that gripped human society through the plague years.

(Blurb shortened ’cause it’s just too dang long. Click one of the buy links or the author’s website to read the whole thing.)

My Review:

This one was just too long, too repetitive, and the “voices” of the various interviewees all started sounding the same after a while. There are truly some very clever parts, and the reactions/consequences of a zombie apocalypse all read as spot-on observations as to how things would go down, but it lost momentum somewhere along the way. This one was exceptionally disappointing for me because Brooks wrote such a compelling short story for The Daily Beast last year about a vampire trapped in the world where this book is set. That short story was what made me really want to read this book, so you might understand why I was exceptionally unhappy that WORLD WAR Z didn’t work for me.

There are definitely parts of this book that were gripping and fascinating, but for the most part, it felt too dry and unrelentingly depressing. I gave up with around 50-75 pages left, once it hit me that I just didn’t care enough about the people or situation anymore since, again, the interviews were becoming monotonous, and it felt a little too far removed from the action. In my opinion, the highlight of the book was the interview with the security guard describing his experience in New York.

RATING: 2/5 DNF

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Don’t Let The Bad Guys Win

Don’t let the bad guys win.

Lately, it feels a lot like there’s been nothing but awful behavior in the blog-o-sphere and beyond. Threatening phone calls to bloggers, threats of physical violence and rape against a woman who dared stand against the exploitative nature of how women are portrayed in video games, ebook pirates posting the addresses and phone numbers of authors who dare send them a take-down notice, and the shooting in Colorado this weekend might make it seem like there’s nothing but evil in this world.

It’s not true.

There are beautiful things, too. There are people who care. People who help others, not because they’re getting something out of it, but because they care.

There are wonderful people who you don’t always hear about because sex and violence in the media is what sells a story.

Even if you don’t always hear about the local heroes, they are out there.

They care about you.

They may not know you, may never shake your hand or share a smile, and may never meet you—but it doesn’t mean they don’t wish you a long life filled with happiness and success.

You may never meet one of the police or firemen who put themselves at risk or even gave their lives to save people trapped in the Twin Towers during 9-11.

You may never meet a volunteer who rushed to disaster sites like Haiti, Hurricane Katrina, the tsunami that hit Japan, among others.

You may never meet the person who donated the blood keeping those people who were injured in the Aurora shootings alive.

But they are heroes, nonetheless, and even though they don’t know you, they gave their time, their energy, and some of them even laid down their lives for people they didn’t know—just like you.

You don’t have to sacrifice yourself to be a hero.

Give up your seat to someone who needs it.

Hold the door for a stranger.

Thank the people who work hard to give you what you ask for. Really thank them, not just in passing, and mean what you say.

Give a bigger tip than usual.

Offer your help to someone who wasn’t expecting it.

Ask someone who needs it how they’re feeling. How they’re really feeling.

Treat others the way you would want to be treated. Show some compassion. Show some humanity.  It doesn’t take a lot of time or energy to do a nice deed, and you have no idea how far such a seemingly small effort can stretch.

Maybe if we all tried to do these things just a little bit more often, the world would be a different place.

Just remember—even when things are at their worst—you’re not alone. There are others out there who care. Don’t let the media or the few bad apples making lots of noise give you the idea that there isn’t some good left in the world. If you give in, if you lose sight of the beautiful things in life, if you start believing that there is no kindness or morality or hope left in the world, and–worst of all–if you do nothing–that’s when the bad guys win.

Posted in Rants & Raves | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

Friday Funnies — Confessions

CONFESSIONS

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: ‘I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.’

Priest: ‘Are you sorry for your sins?’

Man: ‘What sins?’

Priest: ‘What kind of a Catholic are you?’

Man: ‘I’m Jewish.’

Priest: ‘Why are you telling me all this?’

Man: ‘I’m 92 years old… I’m telling everybody!’

Posted in Friday Funnies | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

We Are Human

Readers. Reviewers. Authors.

We are human.

We make mistakes. We aren’t perfect. We have opinions and thoughts and ideas. We don’t always agree. We don’t always appreciate each other.

That doesn’t mean we are incapable of compassion or that we can’t be hurt. Just because you disagree with someone on one issue doesn’t mean you can’t find common ground in some other area.

Please, treat other people the way you want to be treated.

Defend yourself when you need to, or express how you feel if someone upsets you, but harassment, scare tactics, and otherwise bullying the other into submission isn’t the way to handle something as ultimately inconsequential as a bad review.

I know it’s unlikely that the person/people behind this will ever see this post, but if you do, I hope you take a step back and reconsider your actions. You’re hurting and scaring people. That’s not the way to fix things.

Be a bigger person than that. Please. Just stop.

Can the internet get along? Just for a day or two? Please?

Posted in Rants & Raves | Tagged , | 4 Comments

Meet Derpy

This is Derpy. He or she is some kind of dove—possibly a mourning dove?  I found it in the parking structure at my office on Friday afternoon when I was heading home from my day job. 

Both wings are injured, and I’m afraid due to the way the bird walks, he’s probably got some kind of mental damage, too.  He’s been staring at me every time I walk by like he thinks I’m going to eat him, but otherwise seems to be coming out of shell shock.  Though I haven’t seen him come by the food dish to eat, I’m pretty sure he’s been pecking at it when I’m not around.

He’s very young. The down and feathers under his wings haven’t fully grown in, which leads me to believe he may be fresh out of his nest. Though his wings are not broken, they are badly chewed up (for those familiar with bird anatomy, the damage is mostly around the second digit and carpometacarpus), so it’s probably going to be at least a couple of weeks before I know for sure if the injuries are permanent. 

When I first spotted him, I thought maybe he’d been hit by a car, but after checking out his wings I am not sure how he got hurt. They look scraped up and are missing feathers on the underside, almost like some of the marginal and primary coverts (smaller wing feathers that cover the base of the longer feathers) and some of the skin were rubbed off with sandpaper, so it’s difficult to say how he hurt himself.  At the moment, he can only fly short distances (around 10-20 feet), so I think the wings pain him too much to fly properly. He was getting too frightened by my manhandling and I didn’t want him to have a heart attack, so I haven’t checked him out too closely other than his wings.

If he gets better, I’ll release him back into the wild once he’s back to normal and shows evidence of being able to fly properly. 

Anyone else have experience tending to injured wild birds?  Thoughts or tips on his care?

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Friday Funnies – Places to Live

Today is the last day of the blog tour!  Head on over to visit Sullivan McPig for the last post of the tour, and visit the official calendar to enter the giveaway if you haven’t already…

Now, for the funnies!

Places to Live

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where…
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can live in California where…
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought

You can live in Maine where…
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The 4 seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction. (Note – this also applies to Anchorage, Alaska.)

You can live in the Deep South where…
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. “Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.
3. “He needed killin'” is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

You can live in Colorado where…
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.

You can live in the Midwest where…
1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat at?”
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, “It was different!”

…And you can live in Florida where…
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind — even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere or any time any place in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

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The Drama Llama Rides Again

The drama never stops in the world of publishing, I tell ya. Earlier this week, I heard about a Goodreads librarian (someone with greater moderating powers than the average Goodreads member) who went over a list of Steampunk titles and deleted a huge number of them. Doing that means the remaining titles show up higher on the ranking when one searches for “steampunk” in the Goodreads search engine. I’ve heard it said that the remaining titles were mostly by her author friends, so methinks there could have been something dastardly going on behind the scenes.

Things like this are why articles like Chuck Wendig’s 25 Bad Writer Behaviors are, unfortunately, necessary. Does it really need to be said that the librarian’s actions, whatever the motive, were uncalled for? I would understand culling a few books if they weren’t actually steampunk titles on a steampunk list, but cutting 70+ titles? Really? Very not cool.

Secondly, I would like to take a moment to express my disgust with a website that is collecting and posting the personal information (names, photographs, where they work, screenshots of their twitter feed, etc) of book reviewers who left negative reviews on Goodreads. I won’t link to it here, as I am not interested in driving more traffic their way, but I am very disgusted with their tactics. I think m’girl Scarlett Parrish said it best. God forbid anyone should have an opinion and—good heavens!—express it publicly!

Fighting bullying with more bullying is not how to handle the situation. Cyberstalking is never okay, and as I understand it, is also considered a crime.

However, I did find Cuddlebuggery reviewer Kat Kennedy’s response here to be hilarious and very appropriate under the circumstances. She has at least one new follower. Go give her some love, okay? I think she could use it right about now.

I do wonder if the big name authors and anti-bullying organizations linked on that site know and authorized their names to be used…

Anyway! To end on a less craptacular note, make sure you visit Sullivan McPig and Voodoo Bride on Friday for the final stop in the STALKING THE OTHERS blog tour! The giveaway ends July 13th, so if you haven’t already, you can enter on the main post and see where to hit up all the other stops for extra entries here.

See you all when Friday rolls around for the Friday Funnies! And remember: Play nice on the internet, and don’t be a giant douche-canoe, okay?

Peace out.

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What A Weekend!

I had a great time at the book signing on Saturday. I made a new friend, Victoria Nichoels (aka, Star LaSky), who was also signing that day.

One of her family members had that gorgeous piece made for her by a local florist. That’s one of her book covers emblazoned on the front. 

After the signing, I sallied forth to do some shopping. I bought pillows and some drain de-clogger for my kitchen sink. The glamorous life of an author, eh?

Sunday was a ton of fun. I went to breakfast with some friends, then headed out to wander around Burbank with a friend. We stopped at a military surplus store, a Halloween costume shop, a specialty candy/soda shop, and I took her to the bookstore where I did the signing since she wasn’t able to make it on Saturday.  Then we headed back to my place where we watched a bunch of amazing cheesy movies. It’s always a blast to me when I get to show somebody a movie I love that they haven’t seen before. This time it was Tremors.

(Young Kevin Bacon. OM NOM NOM.)

All in all, a very relaxing weekend. Some of my friends have a few more pictures of the signing. I’ll put them up on the Facebook fan page when I get home tonight.

How about you guys? What did you do this weekend? Hope you all had a good time!

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