03.06.10

Author Interview: Jill Myles

Posted in Entertainment, Writing at 3:59 pm by JHaines

Welcome back to Meet The Author! This time around, Jill Myles has agreed to answer my wacked out — err, highly enlightening interview questions!

AUTHOR: Jill Myles
OFFICIAL WEBSITE: http://www.jillmyles.com
MOST RECENT PUBLISHED WORK:
Gentlemen Prefer Succubi (available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, The Book Depository) and
Succubi Like It Hot (available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, The Book Depository)

Gentlemen Prefer Succubi

First and foremost, what drew you to your genre?

I’ve always read a metric crapton of romance growing up, and when it began to mix with urban fantasy, I kind of felt like that was my calling. I’d written a few really bad epic fantasies (books that we shall never speak of again!) that had not turned out well, and when it came time to write a new project, I decided to go with fantasy…but in a modern setting. Alas, that book sucked too. But the NEXT one was good. ;)

In all seriousness, there’s just something so very fun to me about mixing the supernatural with the mundane. That your local Starbucks could be inhabited by werewolves and your hairdresser might be a vampire – or a goddess. I love that. It takes the humdrum out of daily life. As a writer, I really love the paranormal because it’s kind of like fantasy shorthand for an audience that doesn’t normally read (or like) swashbuckling elves and dwarves and crazy stuff like that. But throwing a few vampires into the big city allows people to explore the fun of a fantasy setting by framing it with familiar things, if that makes sense.

Who was your biggest inspiration?

My mom! When I was a kid, I ran across about 75 loose-leaf pages of a story – a man that had a gigantic St. Bernard dog as his bond animal, and it was set in a post-apocalyptic Earth (mental note – steal mom’s story idea, because it still sounds awesome). She’d never finished it — I think the typewriter broke and she just never got back to it. My mom is a huge reader and so smart that I kind of felt like if I could get a book published, it would be for both of us!

Three favorite authors/books?

Julie Garwood – The Secret

Meljean Brook – Demon Bound

Laura Ingalls Wilder – These Happy Golden Years

What does your family think about you being an author?

They are WAY more excited than I am – my parents went and had t-shirts and mugs made of my cover art, and passed out bookmarks at the local Wal-Mart. I love that.

Are you a do-it-yourself-er or did you have a writer’s group or beta readers pushing and helping you to pursue publication?

I have bounced in and out of multiple crit groups over the years, but I’m still in touch with almost all of them. If something’s not working, it’s awesome to have other people to bounce ideas/pages off of, even if it’s just tossing a paragraph to your friend and saying “Does this sound as stupid as I think it does?” Friends don’t let friends write crap.

What did you have to do to get published? Any specific obstacles or windfalls you want to share?

I wrote 4 books that sucked before I wrote a decent one! Don’t do that. ;) I’m still a little bitter over it. Seriously though – I wrote three novels that stank, and then one that didn’t stink as much as the last three, and then one that didn’t stink at all. I started querying WAY early, too. I remember querying the LUNA line back when it first opened and prepping a package (my big fat fantasy) and sending a regular size SASE with my ginormous proposal and chapters. Heck, I wouldn’t need them to send it back because they’d want to buy it, right? So why waste my money on all that postage?

Seriously – don’t be me. I was a douche. It was sent back, quite unceremoniously, and covered in coffee rings.

Anyhoo, many many moons (and a few books) later, I started querying novel #5 and it got agent interest almost immediately. I knew no one, had no connections, just determination and a willingness to revise.

What can you tell us about your latest work?

That they are AWESOME. I’m kidding. (No, I’m not. They ARE awesome. I’m just not supposed to say that.)

The Succubus Diaries are kind of like…urban fantasy meets HBO. There’s lots of sex, dirty jokes, and vampires. Curb Your Enthusiasm Meets Dogma Meets True Blood (Oh god, I’ve scared you all away now, haven’t I?) The books follow the story of Jackie Brighton, a normal, boring museum docent who gets turned into a succubus overnight and basically finds out she’s been flagged as an unofficial errand girl for the Heavenly and not-so-Heavenly hosts. Oh, and there are two hot guys in the series.

Here’s the blurb from book 1:

Who knew an angel could get a girl in so much devilish trouble?

Jackie Brighton woke up in a dumpster this morning, and her day has only gotten weirder. Her breasts grew overnight, her sex drive is insatiable, and apparently she had her first one-night stand ever . . . with a fallen angel.

Of course, she only remembers gorgeous Noah’s enormous, er, package. And their steamy shower sex. Hmm . . . and the dark stranger whose bite transformed her into an immortal siren with a seductive Itch.

With help from Noah and fellow succubus Remy Summore, Jackie adapts to her new lifestyle—until she accidentally strikes a deal that sends her lover into the deadly clutches of the vampire queen and lands Jackie, Remy, and the queen’s wickedly hot right-hand man into the middle of a fierce battle for an ancient halo.

But how’s a girl supposed to save the world when the enemy’s so hard to resist?

In a nutshell – dark, fun, sexy paranormal.

Your heroine, Jackie, really cracks me up. Waking up in a dumpster was the start to some very off the wall adventures. What prompted you to take such a bookish, unassuming docent (aka, museum tour guide) and turn her into a succubus? As we don’t really know the Jackie of “before”, could you tell us a little (more) about how she stumbled across a smokin’ hot serim like Noah and a très sexy vampire like Zane? Did I detect a hint dropped by Zane that he knew her prior to the “dumpster incident”…?

I was really attracted (writer-wise) to the thought of this terribly nerdy, not-too-great-with-people woman and what would happen if she woke up one day and was turned into Superbabe. All her life she’d prized herself on her brains and now everyone talks to her boobs – I thought it would be a major adjustment for her, and I liked the thought of making her seem like a total Mary Sue and then piling all this garbage on her to the point that she’s almost an anti-Sue. She screws stuff up more than she saves the day, and while her new life has some perks, I don’t think anyone would want to trade places with her in the long run.

And I did totally drop some sly hints about Jackie and Zane. Wasn’t that bad of me? *bats eyes* There’s a lot of stuff explained in book 3 and I wrote a short ‘prologue’ to the first book that my editor has, and it tells the tale of that fateful night that she gets turned. It’ll show up on the internet eventually.

Love, love, love your world-building! What do you feel was the catalyst or inspiration for having vampires and serim both having origins as fallen angels?

Oh, thank you! Um, it was kind of random. I wanted to write about fallen angels and I knew I needed an interesting foil for them. So I kept thinking about the angels and how they’d hang out on earth — how they’d cope with being here century after century after century…and how it would affect them. Would it make them crazy? Was there anything they wanted bad enough to bargain with the bad guys? The rest kind of wrote itself.

One thing I truly enjoyed about your work is that your supernaturals live alongside humans, interacting with them, but basically hiding in plain sight. Does this mean we’re going to see other supernatural critters (imps, gargoyles, gremlins, goblins, dragons, whatever) in the future? And, if so, how do they fit in to the Big Picture?

In book 2, we play with voodoo a little (a religion that deals with magic in a series that deals with another religion? seemed natural) and hint at other magics like curses and such. There are other supernaturals in the world that Jackie hasn’t met yet, but they are all tied in with the same basic Heaven/Hell/Fallen mythos, so you won’t see goblins or dragons. But there’s so much to play with already that I don’t feel lacking!

It is clear that you use a somewhat Christian-belief oriented system for your stories, in that you have creatures such as demons and angels (and variations thereof) as an active part of the supernatural community. For example, in your first book, GENTLEMEN PREFER SUCCUBI, you show that angels are incorporeal on this plane but can make appearances in churches and on other hallowed ground. (Very nice touch, by the way!) What kind of research did you have to do to fit your mythos in with older cultures (particularly with multi-God pantheons), such as with the Ancient Egyptians in SUCCUBI LIKE IT HOT?

I’ve always been a history dork, and I figured that if I could write about ANYTHING I wanted, I was going to write about Ancient Egypt and pyramids and missing tombs and all that good stuff.

Egypt

I think if you dig enough with any research, you can find pieces that fit the particular puzzle you’re working on. For book 1, I wanted a really old culture and Egypt fit perfectly. Once you find the perfect answer, your brain starts fitting all these tidbits you’ve saved up mentally. I tore bits from everywhere to make them fit my mythology, and there were still moments that I was surprised at how well it all fit together.

Despite the serious nature of the issues Jackie runs into, you keep a humorous edge to your work. Will Jackie continue to find the funny in future Succubus Diaries stories? I detect a serious bent when the big C word (commitment!) gets bandied about in the snippet provided at the end of SUCCUBI LIKE IT HOT. What’s coming around the bend in your third book?

I hope so! I’m not an overly serious person myself, and you have to admit that if Jackie’s situation isn’t humorous, it’s just kind of absurd. So it will stay tongue-in-cheek and funny, but never to the point of ridiculousness (at least I hope). And as long as Jackie continues to hang out with Remy, nothing will ever be completely serious. I just turned in book 3 and I’m really happy with it and how it balances what I wanted in the story and the plot itself.

This one is more for me – I hear you’re a huge McCaffrey fan! Can we say, DRAGONSONG / DRAGONSINGER FTW? *g* What’s your favorite McCaffrey book?

My favorite McCaffreys are the ones that deal with planet exploration and people landing in a strange place/time trying to make the best of it. So I loved CRYSTAL SINGER and DRAGONSDAWN (the one where they colonized Pern) and DINOSAUR PLANET. Everyone laughs when I say DINOSAUR PLANET but it’s true! It combines two of my loves – space exploration and um, dinosaurs.

TRex Flying A Jet

Now, for my favorite part of the interview! Everything You Never Expected Me To Ask. Strangest thing we don’t know about you?

I was born missing a small part of my right ear. Trufax.

Have you ever eaten at a Waffle House? ….more than once?

Yes. And yes. In college, I had friends that had cast-iron stomachs. I’ve avoided it for a while now, though. ;)

What is your one true regret?

Not finishing college. I think I would have liked to have been an editor. Not kidding.

Han Solo or Indiana Jones?

CURSE YOU. I think this just made my brain explode. How can I possibly choose? All right, all right, I pick Indy…but he has to wear Han’s belt.

Indy and Solo

Lastly, anything you’d like to pimp to the readers (such as an existing/upcoming book or short story, graphic novel, tv show, movie deal, etc)?

Oh! Yes! I have a book trailer that was made for me by my awesome husband — it’s kind of like an illustrated diary (get it, succubus diary? har de har) and I love it. I’m constantly shoving it under people’s noses.

Source:
Jill Myles Book Trailer

__________________________________

There you have it, folks! We’ll be exploring the intricacies of inter-office stapler politics with another author or artist in the near future, so check back soon.

Thanks again to Jill for stopping by!

03.02.10

Interesting News Is At Hand!

Posted in Writing at 4:38 pm by JHaines

Howdy, folks! Been a bit since I’ve given an update on what’s happening in the world of me.

Don’t freak out, but… I’ve been busy on other peoples’ blogs! (*gasp!* Can it be? Have I abandoned my own blog for the sake of yapping on someone elses’?! Well, yeah.)

– See my guest post on the Basics of Writing a Query Letter over at Dark Faerie Tales (thanks Angela)!

– See my guest post, the Guide to Getting Chicks the Vampire Way over on All Things Urban Fantasy (a HUGE thanks to Abigail for your kind words)!

– See HUNTED BY THE OTHERS featured on LoveVampires.com’s home page (thanks Amanda)!

And I just couldn’t go without saying thanks to Doug over at SciFiGuy for linking Brad Fraunfelter’s interview that was done here on my blog. Brad has an awesome website you should check out, if you haven’t already. Thanks so much for helping him get more recognition, Doug!

There’s probably more out there, but I thought that would be enough good news to chew on for one day.

Thanks again to all the lovely ladies (and any gents I missed) who’re helping get the word out about my book!

01.04.10

Welcome to 2010!

Posted in Books, Cooking, Entertainment, Friends, Writing at 2:34 pm by JHaines

Well, the holidays have given me a chance to catch up with everything! I hope everyone else had a great Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Solstice, New Year’s, [insert holiday of choice here], etc.

The first draft of the novella is DONE! I’m rushing headlong through edits. Which is just as death-defying and wacky as it sounds. No, seriously.

I’m always reading something, too. Over Christmas weekend, I finished the treat-like item won in The Rejectionist’s contest from a while back: A LONG, LONG TIME AGO AND ESSENTIALLY TRUE by Brigid Pasulka. I did a review on Goodreads. This is a book to be read and savored. Not my usual cup of tea, but a delightful read. It was refreshing to immerse myself in something other than SFF, horror or romance for a while.

Right now, I’m working on THREE DAYS TO DEAD by fellow AWer, Kelly Meding. I’m a little over the halfway point and am loving what I’ve read so far. I’ll give a detailed review after I’ve finished.

Speaking of reviews, I’ve been working on contacting book reviewers, and have sent out the first batch of advance reader copies of HUNTED BY THE OTHERS. Keep an eye out for reviews of the book (and some interviews I’ll be giving!) on these sites:

Dark Faerie Tales
SciFiGuy
Sidhe Vicious
Literary Escapism
The Book Lush
Bitten by Books
Fiction Vixen

On the cooking front, I made some baked apples for dessert on New Year’s. They are delightfully tasty, and very simple/easy to make. Here’s the recipe:

6-8 large green apples
¼ to ½ stick of butter
Brown sugar
Powdered cinnamon
Powdered nutmeg (if desired)

Preheat the oven at 350 degrees. Core the apples – no need to take off the skin – and put them on a baking sheet (suggest covering the baking sheet with tinfoil first to avoid a sticky clean-up job later). In the cored center of each apple, insert a pat of butter, a tablespoon of brown sugar, and dust the top until the sugar is covered with powdered cinnamon. Add a dash of nutmeg to taste.

Pour a small amount of water in the bottom of the baking sheet. The sugar will burn if you don’t add it, so this is important!

Let the apples bake uncovered at 350 for one hour. Best consumed when still warm!

Lastly, I’ve made the following New Year’s resolutions:

– Submit my novella on time.

– Finish writing book #3 in the H&W Investigations series.

– Submit book #3 on time.

– Write more short stories.

– Figure out if I want to write book #4 in the series, or something else — and write it.

There you go! Feel free to share your own resolutions and thoughts in the comments.

12.19.09

ARCs and Blurbs and Sub-Rights, Oh My!

Posted in Writing at 1:03 am by JHaines

New and interesting news is at hand!

First — German sub-rights have sold on the first and second book! This means a German-language version of HUNTED BY THE OTHERS and TAKEN BY THE OTHERS will be made available at some point, courtesy of publisher Wilhelm Heyne Verlag. I’ll give more info on this as soon as I can.

The advance reader copies (ARCs) arrived yesterday! That means I need to get off my butt and find myself some reviewers.

Speaking of reviews, I stumbled across another interesting tidbit on my publisher’s website tonight. Aside from the blurbs on the cover, apparently a few other big name authors have read my book! Here’s what they have to say:

“Fresh and snappy, dark and sexy, Hunted By The Others is a paranormal treat you’ll gobble down in one eager sitting. Jess Haines is a talent to watch!” –Lara Adrian, New York Times bestselling author

“Take a sarcastic, likable heroine out of her depth with a mysterious, seductive vampire, add lots of scheming bad guys, and you’ve got a delightful romp of a book. Jess Haines just became my autobuy!” –Angela Knight, New York Times bestselling author

“Fresh, hilarious, and action-packed. I loved every minute of it.” –Lilith Saintcrow, author of Flesh Circus

It’s stuff like this that really makes a girl’s day, you know?

12.02.09

What I Learned On My Summer Vaca—Err, Latest Beta Read

Posted in Writing at 1:59 am by JHaines

A beta reader (also known as: beta, critiquer, or critter) is a person who goes through a written work in search of spelling, grammar, continuity, and other errors prior to the work’s release to the general public. I’ve done a few beta reads for friends and acquaintances. The most recent was a partial manuscript of a post-apocalyptic / steampunkish fantasy. The author of said fantasy is encouraged to chime in her thoughts in the comments to give specifics.

On our comments back and forth about this manuscript and my observations, I learned a few new and interesting things I thought I would share.

Editing is a vital part of the process of writing. Yet, how do you know A) what needs to be edited, B) when suggestions from another are good/useful, or C) when you’re done editing?

Let’s take these up one at a time (note: this is specifically in reference to writing novels, novellas and short stories), along with a few other points that are germane to the subject:

A) When To Edit

Did you finish the first draft? No?! Put the red pen down! Down, I said!

Don’t start working on edits until you’ve got an entire first draft complete. Otherwise, if you’re anything like me, you’ll be perpetually changing things. If nothing else, get the bare bones of your plot worked out and the semblance of your chapters in place before you start picking through it for errors. Not to say you shouldn’t fix a spelling or grammar error when you come across it – but don’t go through the work with a hypercritical eye until you’ve got more than just a chapter or two written.

B) What Needs To Be Edited

The. Entire. Manuscript.

That’s not to say that every word, sentence, or punctuation mark will change – only that you need to go through your work (more than once) with a critical eye after that first draft is complete. Catch every possible mistake you can on your own before passing your work on to others. I’ve heard it suggested that you read your work out loud to spot awkwardly written points – I don’t do this myself, but it’s a good, solid suggestion.

Note: Mistakes in writing come in many forms. One of the things I spotted in the manuscript I critiqued recently was a lack of description of new, vital elements. New terminology was introduced without any clue as to what the words meant. This doesn’t mean that you can’t introduce new terms – only that you must give the reader context or directly define what those words mean.

In the Harry Potter books, J.K. Rowling introduced us to a whole new vocabulary in her wizarding world (“muggle,” “quidditch,” “squib,” etc). Note that she also defines those terms for us in simple, unobtrusive, non-info-dump-ish ways. There’s a big difference between using unfamiliar terms to keep your readers in the dark about a plot point versus confusing the crap out of them. Be wary of using a writing style that is confusing to your readers. What is art, if not a communication? If you can’t communicate your thoughts clearly, you won’t maintain your readership. Simple as that.

C) Do I Really Need A Beta Reader? Honestly?

The honest answer? Maybe.

Whether you’ve got your Masters in English Literature, or just whipped up a story after reading your first book, chances are there’s something more for you to learn about the writing process. Having confidence in your skill as a writer does not mean that you cannot be open to improvement. Sometimes it helps to have a second, third, or even tenth pair of eyes examine your work.

The trick to this is finding someone whose input is helpful to you. Someone simply saying, “I liked it” or “I didn’t like it” is not the most valuable feedback. When you get a response like this from a beta, ask for specifics. When doing your own critique of another’s work, be sure to clearly point things out, such as: “on page 10, character A starts talking about a bowl of fruit, but on page 12, the bowl is full of mixed nuts.”

D) How About Paid Professional Critiques?

Not everyone needs this. If you’re new to the writing game, don’t have any beta readers whose opinions you value and trust, and you don’t mind dropping (a lot of) money on your potential future writing career, go for it.

The positive side to paying for a critique from a professional is that you’ll get insightful feedback from somebody who has experience in the industry. If they know what they’re doing, they should be able to point out the specific instances of where you fall down – and also indicate where your writing excels.

The negative side to this is that money is, as the saying goes, supposed to flow to the author — not away. The argument that paying for a critique is unnecessary as you could have a beta do the same thing is valid only if you have a beta reader who is experienced enough to give you a strong crit. Knowing in advance whether the beta you’re working with is capable of this level of critique or not is the clincher.

If you decide to go this route, beware the scam critiquing agencies. They do exist, just like scam literary agents. (Telling the difference and spotting the warning signs is a blog post for another day. I will say this — if a “literary agent” recommends a specific editor or editing agency to you [versus suggesting you do more editing before they will offer representation], run as far away as fast as you can. Don’t look back.)

E) How Do You Know Good Suggestions From Bad?

Good suggestions are ones that clearly delineate the flaws, and (usually) offer solutions that won’t turn your manuscript on its ear if you carry them out. They may not always be right, but they always make you think about your work in a new light – be it, “I need to watch out for those homophones” to “that wasn’t what I meant – maybe I didn’t explain this right earlier in the text”.

Bad suggestions are plain, carping criticism. “This sucks.” “WTF?” and “I didn’t like it.” are a far cry from “I didn’t like when X did Y. Z didn’t make sense.”

As I said to the person I did the critique for: “A real crit isn’t abrasive. It points out what needs work without making you WRONG WRONG WRONG ZOMG WRONG. It should encourage you to continue – not make you feel like someone just scoured your eyeballs with a shaved steel Brillo pad.”

Good beta readers are invaluable. Cherish them when you find them.

F) How Do You Know When You’re Done Editing?

You know you’re done when your manuscript is as shiny and perfect as you (and possibly your beta readers) know how to make it.

This doesn’t mean you won’t necessarily have more edits in your future – but it does mean that you should be ready to start the querying process.

11.20.09

Ladies and Gentlemen, I’d Like You To Meet Shiarra Waynest

Posted in Books, Entertainment, Writing at 11:16 pm by JHaines

Yes, ladies and gents… it’s (sort of) here!

WHAT IT’S ABOUT:

They are the Others — the vampires, mages, and werewolves once thought to exist only in our imaginations. Now they’re stepping out of the shadows, and nothing in our world will ever be the same again…

IN A TOWN LIKE THIS, BEING A P.I. CAN BE MURDER

Shiarra Waynest’s detective work was dangerous enough when her client base was strictly mortal. But ailing finances have forced her to accept a lucrative case that could save her firm — if it doesn’t kill her first. Shiarra has signed on to work for a high-level mage to recover an ancient artifact owned by one of New York’s most powerful vampires.

As soon as Shiarra meets scary, mesmerizing vamp Alec Royce, she knows her assignment is even more complicated than she thought. With a clandestine anti-Other group trying to recruit her, and magi being eliminated, Shiarra needs back-up and enlists her ex-boyfriend–a werewolf whose non-furry form is disarmingly appealing–and a nerdy mage with surprising talents. But it may not be enough. In a city where the undead roam, magic rules, and even the Others aren’t always what they seem, Shiarra has just become the secret weapon in a battle between good and evil–whether she likes it or not…

ADVANCE PRAISE FOR HUNTED BY THE OTHERS:

“A fun, high octane ride with a take charge heroine who will leave you wanting more.” –NY Times and USA Today bestselling author, Alexandra Ivy

“Haines’ fresh, feisty and fast-paced debut is full of litigious vampires, sexy shapeshifters and a mage sidekick akin to Bond’s Q, what more could you want?” –author, Mark Henry

“A sexy, bruising tango of supernatural fun and vampiric mayhem.” –author, Mario Acevedo

PREORDER IT NOW!

Now you, too, can preorder this lovely little gem from Borders, Amazon or Amazon UK! Scheduled for release in May, 2010, you — yes, YOU! — can be the first kid on your block to own the shiny and new HUNTED BY THE OTHERS, first book in the H&W Investigations Series!

This shameless advertisement brought to you by the letter:

-J

11.12.09

A Haiku: Ode to Joy

Posted in Books, Writing at 1:37 pm by JHaines

Novella and books
Amazon will carry them all
Oh, joyous rapture!

Yes, that was a haiku to celebrate Amazon now officially carrying my first book, HUNTED BY THE OTHERS! For those joining us from across the pond, you can order the book from Amazon UK. Of course, it isn’t out yet, but you can preorder! Which is awesome! And amazing! And totally inspiring a wacky happy dance over here!

Warning: I’m going to use an excess of exclamation points… now!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11.10.09

Diversions: Rejectionist Style

Posted in Entertainment, Writing at 1:42 pm by JHaines

Have I been working on the edits to book two, you ask? Did I finally finish that novella?!

Well, no.

Instead, I found a great diversion on The Rejectionist’s blog last week! You see, he was holding a very special contest (you should totally check out all the submissions in the comments because — hot damn — most of those entries are amazing).

The gist of the contest is as follows:

YOUR CHALLENGE: Come up with THE MOST AMAZING Form Rejection in the History of the Universe.

So, the contest is over, and I made The Longlist of True and and Total Amazement (aka, the honorable mentions — which you should click on immediately, because the other winners are freaking hilarious)! I won for the category of Best Musical. Mwahaha!

Brian Buckley was the Right Honorable Compositor of THE MOST AMAZING Form Rejection in the History of the Universe — another reason you should check it out, ’cause his entry is mind-bogglingly AWESOME.

While you should totally hit up that blog, to save you some clicking around, this was my submission:

Dear [Author],

Is this your idea of a joke? Please, God, tell me it is. My only response to such a travesty can be:

At first I was afraid,
I was petrified!
Kept thinkin’ I couldn’t really believe my eyes
Then I spent so many nights
Just thinkin’ how you did so wrong
That I grew strong
And I tossed that ms with some tongs

But now you’re back!
From cyberspace!
I can’t believe you wrote me thrice
After that last rejection told you, “Cease!”
You should’ve changed that stupid plot
I should’ve blocked your ISP
If I’d have known for just one second
You’d be back to bother me

Go on now, go!
Walk out the door!
Just turn around now
‘Cause you’re not welcome anymore

Weren’t you the one who tried to break me with your outline
Did you think I’d crumble?
Did you think I’d lay down and reply
Oh no, not I!

I will decline!
Oh, as long as I know how to write
I know I’ll say “Denied!”
I’ve got all these books to read
Don’t have time for you to give
And I’ll decline,
I will decline, hey hey!

It took all the strength I had
Not to fall apart
Kept tryin’ hard to mend
These pieces of my broken mind
And I spent so many nights
Just feelin’ sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my standards high

And you see me
Somebody new
I’m not that agent in the Bronx
Who’s so in love with you
And so you felt like droppin’ it
And just expect me to say, “Keen!”
But now I’m savin’ all my feedback
For someone who’s got a zombie-werewolf theme

Go on now, go!
Walk out the door!
Just turn around now
‘Cause you’re not welcome anymore

Weren’t you the one who tried to break me with your outline
Did you think I’d crumble?
Did you think I’d lay down and reply
Oh no, not I!

I will decline!
Oh, as long as I know how to write
I know I’ll say “Denied!”
I’ve got all these books to read
Don’t have time for you to give
So I will decline,
I will decline, oh…

Go on now, go!
Walk out the door!
Just turn around now
‘Cause you’re not welcome anymore

Weren’t you the one who tried to break me with your outline
Did you think I’d crumble?
Did you think I’d lay down and reply
Oh no, not I!

I will decline!
Oh, as long as I know how to write
I know I’ll say “Denied!”
I’ve got all these books to read
Don’t have time for you to give
So I will decline,
I will decline
I will decline!

…If this wasn’t a joke, then I strongly recommend you consider professional help. Perhaps Barbara Bauer or PublishAmerica can help you.

Sincerely,

The Rejectionist

P.S. Steve, if that was you, it really wasn’t funny.

…Okay, back to work! To the novella — away!

10.26.09

Writerly Thoughts

Posted in Writing at 12:45 pm by JHaines

A little update writing-wise:

Jessica Faust at BookEnds Literary Agency has an interesting blog post on deadlines today that pretty much sums up everything going on for me these days.

As getting published is new to me, I like to stay on top of what those in the know have to say about it. But what about you? Are you reading this blog because you write, too? Curious about the publication process? I get emails from new people now and again, but I wonder what you, the blog reader, are most interested in. I may cover a broad range of topics (from movies to free hugs to writing to cupcakes), but feel free to drop me a line if you have a question or topic you’d like to see featured/answered here.

Last week, I got the copy edits for HUNTED BY THE OTHERS. In short, that means the copy editor went over the manuscript, page by page, and marked up all the grammatic and spelling errors they could find. Things are moving along! Despite the red marks jumping off the page, I felt pretty darn good about the quality of the manuscript. Most of what I missed were commas or misplaced hyphens. One misspelling. Not too shabby!

The ARCs — Advance Reader Copies — are right around the bend. Exciting times! I get to see my first book in print very soon. Excitement is too tame a word for what I’m feeling about this now. Joy, exuberance, triumph — that’s a little closer to the mark.

10.10.09

Things I Do / Don’t Enjoy

Posted in Writing at 11:43 am by JHaines

Things I Enjoy:
- A good cup of coffee.
- Movies.
- Hanging out with my friends.
- Chocolate.
- Cheese fries with bacon bits and ranch dressing.
- Teaching my cockatoo new tricks.
- Writing.

Things I Don’t Enjoy:
- Listening to my neighbors argue.
- Doing dishes.
- Discovering that something I thought I fixed 10 drafts ago is still prevalent throughout my work.

This list brought to you by the letter:
-J

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